(at per leg) . half a quartern loaf.

Caught an idea.--wrote an anonymous letter to the landlord, and told
him that an association had been formed to burke Colonel Sibthorp--his
lodgers the conspirators--that the scheme was called the "Lie-a-bed
plot"--poverty with his lodgers all fudge--men of immense wealth--get
rid of them for his own sake--old boy very nervous, having been in quod
for smuggling--gave us warning--couldn't go if we would. Landlord
redeemed our clothes. Ha! ha!--did him brown.

The above is a statement of what I suffered during my minority. I have
now the honour to be a magistrate and a member of Parliament.

* * * * *

THE RICH OLD BUFFER.

A MAIDEN LYRIC.

Urge it no more! I must not wed
One who is poor, so hold your prattle;
My lips on love have ne'er been fed,
With poverty I cannot battle.
My choice is made--I know I'm right--
Who wed for love starvation suffer;
So I will study day and night
To please and win a rich OLD BUFFER.

Romance is very fine, I own;
Reality is vastly better;
I'm twenty--past--romance is flown--
To Cupid I'm no longer debtor.
Wealth, power, and rank--I ask no more--
Let the world frown, with these I'll rough her--
Give me an equipage and four,
Blood bays, a page, and--rich OLD BUFFER.

An opera-box shall be my court,
Myself the sovereign of the women;
There moustached loungers shall resort,
Whilst Elssler o'er the stage is skimming.
If any rival dare dispute
The palm of _ton_, my set shall huff her;
I'll reign supreme, make envy mute,
When once I wed a rich OLD BUFFFER!

"The heart"--"the feelings"--pshaw! for nought
_They_ go, I grant, though quite enchanting
In valentines by school-girls wrought:
Nonsense! by me they are not wanting.
A note! and, as I live, a ring!
"Pity the sad suspense I suffer!"
All's right. I knew to book I'd bring
Old Brown. I've caught--
A RICH OLD BUFFER.

* * * * *

PHILANTHROPY, FINE WRITING, AND FIREWORKS.

A writer in a morning paper, eulogising the Licensed Victuallers' fete
at Vauxhall Gardens, on Tuesday evening, bursts into the following
magnificent flight:--"Wit has been profanely said, like the Pagan, to
deify the brute" (the writer will never increase the mythology); "but
here," (that is, in the royal property,) "while intell