alculated on an
entirely novel sliding-scale. Annuitants will be entitled to receive
their annuities whenever they can get them.

7. The Company's office will be open at all hours for the receipt of
money; but it is not yet determined at what time the paying branch of
the department will come into operation.

8. The secretary will be allowed the small salary of L10,000 a-year.

9. In order to simplify the accounts, there will be no books kept. By
this arrangement, a large saving will be effected in the article of
clerks, &c.

10. The annual profits of the company will be fixed at 20 per cent.,
but it is expected that there will be no inquiry made after dividends.

11. All monies received for and by the company, to be deposited in the
breeches-pocket of the secretary, and not to be withdrawn from thence
without his special sanction.

12. The establishment to consist of a secretary and porter.

13. The porter is empowered to act as secretary in the absence of that
officer; and the secretary is permitted to assist the porter in the
arduous duties of his situation.

*** Applications for shares or annuities to be made to the secretary of
the Provident Annuity Company, No. 1, Thieves Inn.

* * * * *

AWFUL ACCIDENT.

Our reporter has just forwarded an authentic statement, in which he
vouches, with every appearance of truth, that "Lord Melbourne dined at
home on Wednesday last." The neighbourhood is in an agonising state of
excitement.

FURTHER PARTICULARS.

(_Particularly exclusive_.)

Our readers will be horrified to learn the above is not the whole
extent of this alarming event. From a private source of the highest
possible credit, we are informed that his "Lordship also took tea."

FURTHEST PARTICULARS.

Great Heavens! when will our painful duties end? We tremble as we
write,--may we be deceived!--but we are compelled to announce the
agonising fact--"he also supped!"

BY EXPRESS.

(_From our own reporter on the spot_!)

DEAR SIR,--"The dinner is fatally true! but, I am happy to state, there
are doubts about the tea, and you may almost wholly contradict the
supper."

SECOND EXPRESS.

"I have only time to say, things are not so bad! The tea is disproved,
and the supper was a gross exaggeration.

"N.B. My horse is dead!"

THIRD EXPRESS.

Hurrah! Glorious news! There is no truth in the above fearful rumour;
it is false from beginning to end, and, doubtless, had