umpire of caracter and xperience to decide
between them, had both agreed to a surgestion that had bin made, that
of all the many men in London none coudn't be considered more fitter
for the post than Mr. ROBERT, the sillybrated Citty Waiter!

I rayther thinks as I blusht wisibly, and I knos as I bust out into
a perfuse prusperashun, but I didn't say a word, but pulled myself
together as I can ginerally do when I feels as it's necessary to
manetane my good charackter. He then said, "The question for you to
deside is this: At a great and most himportant Dinner that is about
to be held soon, at which most of the werry grandest swells left in
Lundon will be present, we intends to hinterduce 'The Loving Cup;'
not," he added, smiling, "so much to estonish the natives, as to
stagger the strangers. The question, therefore, that you, as the
leading Citty Waiter of the day, have to settle, is, How many of the
Gests stand up while one on 'em drinks?" Delighted to find how heasy
was my tarsk, I ansers, without a moment's hezzitation, "Three!" One
on 'em turned garstly pale, and shouted out, "What for?" To which I
replied, "One to take off and hold up the cover, the second to bow,
and drink out of the Cup, and the third to protect the Drinker while
he drinks, lest any ennemy should stab him in the back."

The garstly pale Gent wanted to arsk more questions, but the rest
shouted, "Horder! Horder!" and the fust Gent coming up to me again,
thanked me for what he called my kindness in cumming, so I made 'em my
very best bow, which I copied from a certain Poplar Prince, and took
my departure.

Being, I hopes, a man of strict werassity, I never wunce took ewen
so much as a peep at the little packet as the Gent gave me, but I
couldn't help feeling ewery now and then to see if it was quite safe,
which of course it was, and ewen when I reached my umbel abode, I
still restrained my natral curiossity, and sat down, and told my
wundrus tail to the wife of my buzzom, and then placed the little
packet in her estonished ands, which she hopened with a slite flutter,
and then perdoosed from it _Five Golden Souverings!_ If any other
noble swells wants another Humpire on the same libberal terms, let 'em
send to ROBERT.

* * * * *

[Illustration: PHILOMELA AND AQUILA.

[It is stated that Madame PATTI presented Mr. GLADSTONE with a box of
voice lozenges.]

PATTI, take, PATTI, take, Grand Old Man!
Give him voi