as white as snow;
But packed in ice? It don't sound nice,
No, Sydney Merchant, No!

"Refrigerate my darling! Oh!
It makes my bosom bleed.
Still, go it must. I think you said,
'Delivery guaranteed!'"

So Mary's lamb the ocean crossed
By "Frozen Parcel Post;"
And Mary's Cousin said its chops
Were most delicious--_most_!

MORAL.

Science, though it pays "cent. per cent.,"
Is destitute of pity;
And makes hash of the sentiment
Dear to the Nursery ditty.

* * * * *

ROBERT AS HUMPIRE.

I was a takin of my favrit walk, larst Friday was a week, from Charing
Cross round to my own privet residence in Queen street, when a yung
lad tapped me on the sholder and said to me, "Please, Sir, are you the
sillybrated Mr. ROBERT, the Citty Waiter?" In course I replied, "Yes,
most suttenly;" when he said, "Then this yere letter's for you, and
I wants a emediat arnser." Concealing my wisibel estonishment, I took
him hup Healy Place, where the werry famous Lawyer lives, as can git
you out of any amownt of trubbel, and then opened the letter, and read
the following most estonishing words, wiz.:--"Mr. ROBERT,--can you
come _immediately_ to the ---- Club, as you alone can decide a very
heavy wager that is now pending between two Noble Lords who are here
awaiting your arrival. You will be well paid for your trouble. The
Bearer will show you the way.--J.N." I coud learn nothink from my
jewwenile guide, so I told him to lead the way, and off we started,
and soon arived at the Club.

I need ardly say that, being all quite fust-rate swells, they receaved
me in the most kindest manner, and ewen smiled upon me most freely,
which in course I felt as a great complement.

One on 'em then adrest me sumwot as follers, "I'm sure, Mr. ROBERT,
we are all werry much obliged to you for coming so reddily at my
request." At which they all cried, "Here! here!" "You of coarse
understand what we wish you to do." To which I at once replide, "Quite
so, my noble swells." At which they all larfed quite lowd, tho' I'm
sure I don't kno why. He then said that it was thort better not to
menshun the names of any of the Gents present, and he then presented
me with a little packet, which he requested I woud not open till I got
home, and then proseeded to xplain the Wager, somthink like this. Two
of the noble Lords present, it apeared, had disagreed upon a certain
matter, and, wanting a H