ost ambitions
were realized--that I was called to the bar, and rose to the height of
my profession? That I entered politics--say, even, that I became Prime
Minister of England? What then? Was that power? Hampered at every turn
by my colleagues, fettered by the democratic system of which I should
be the mere figurehead! No--the power I dreamed of was absolute! An
autocrat! A dictator! And such power could only be obtained by working
outside the law. To play on the weaknesses of human nature, then on the
weaknesses of nations--to get together and control a vast organization,
and finally to overthrow the existing order, and rule! The thought
intoxicated me....

"... I saw that I must lead two lives. A man like myself is bound to
attract notice. I must have a successful career which would mask my true
activities.... Also I must cultivate a personality. I modelled myself
upon famous K.C.'s. I reproduced their mannerisms, their magnetism. If I
had chosen to be an actor, I should have been the greatest actor living!
No disguises--no grease paint--no false beards! Personality! I put it
on like a glove! When I shed it, I was myself, quiet, unobtrusive, a man
like every other man. I called myself Mr. Brown. There are hundreds of
men called Brown--there are hundreds of men looking just like me....

"... I succeeded in my false career. I was bound to succeed. I shall
succeed in the other. A man like me cannot fail....

"... I have been reading a life of Napoleon. He and I have much in
common....

"... I make a practice of defending criminals. A man should look after
his own people....

"... Once or twice I have felt afraid. The first time was in Italy.
There was a dinner given. Professor D----, the great alienist, was
present. The talk fell on insanity. He said, 'A great many men are
mad, and no one knows it. They do not know it themselves.' I do not
understand why he looked at me when he said that. His glance was
strange.... I did not like it....

"... The war has disturbed me.... I thought it would further my plans.
The Germans are so efficient. Their spy system, too, was excellent.
The streets are full of these boys in khaki. All empty-headed young
fools.... Yet I do not know.... They won the war.... It disturbs me....

"... My plans are going well.... A girl butted in--I do not think she
really knew anything.... But we must give up the Esthonia.... No risks
now....

".... All goes well. The loss of memory is vexing. I