fork,
but slashed his Christmas turkey in pieces with his dirk, ate it and
called for the next course. His wife never got any of the white
meat--the drum-sticks were good enough for her. He was more than a
two-bottle man: this is made plain in the reliefs by the number of
"empties" that are stacked upon his table, and also by the fact that he
built and stocked a celebrated wine cellar at Thebes, his best vintage
being "1333 B.C."

[Illustration: RAMESES II. THE GREAT PHARAOH OF THE XIXTH DYNASTY AND
THE GRAND OLD MAN OF ALL TIME. AS HE APPEARS NOW IN A GLASS CASE IN
THE CAIRO MUSEUM. IT IS THREE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED YEARS SINCE HE DID
A STROKE OF WORK. YET HIS BODY IS SO IMPERISHABLY EMBALMED THAT, IF
NOT DESTROYED BY FIRE. IT IS CERTAIN TO BE WITH US TILL THIS EARTH HAS
PASSED AWAY. FOR MANY REASONS RAMESES II. IS NOW THE MOST UNIQUE,
PICTURESQUE, AND CELEBRATED PERSONAGE IN ALL HISTORY. WE MUST TAKE OFF
OUR HATS TO HIM.]

When Ram dropped into his smoking den after the coronation, the first
thing he did was to order all the stone-cutters, from Cairo to the
Sixth Cataract, to get out their tools and cut his praises on the
stones, rocks, pyramids, tombs and obelisks, according to the plans and
specifications of his architects, professional poets and press agents,
all along the river right down to low-water mark, and there they stand
to this day. One of the favorite postscripts is that this great king
never took off his hat to anybody that ever "blew up" the Nile. Even
in those very, very early days they had a masonic understanding that he
who sails on the Nile must "contribute," and it is a curious fact that
that requisition has never been revoked even unto this writing.

On the whole, Ram was a magnanimous man and did not forget his wife; he
had her done in a group with himself in which she stands behind his leg
and hardly reaches his knee; something like a prize doll at a fair. He
got other men to do the most of his fighting and, for that matter,
almost everything else, but he never failed to take the credit for
whatever they did.

[Illustration: ARAB TYPES--CAMEL DRIVERS--SUNBURNT SNOWBALLS OF THE
NILE]

The great men of England are buried in Westminster Abbey, and
succeeding generations gaze on their statues with awe and admiration;
but as there is nothing of the kind in Egypt, the authorities content
themselves with placing the conspicuous heroes and kings of the past in
full view in glass cases