o prided herself on her orthodoxy.
"My child!" she exclaimed in pious horror, "what does the Bible say?"
"That's just it," he answered. "It says that 'Solomon slept with his
fathers.' Now, surely, if he had been rich he'd have had a bed to
himself."

A father once said to a little boy, not so obedient as might be desired,
"Everything I say to you goes in at one ear and out at the other." "Is
that what little boys has two ears for, daddy?" asked the child, quite
innocently.

Engaging his tender "hopeful" in the wonders of astronomy--"Men have
learned the distances of the stars," observed the father; "and, with
their spectroscopes, found out what they are made of." "Yes," responded
the boy admiringly; "and isn't it strange, pa, how they found out their
names too!"

SCHOOLROOM FACTS AND FANCIES.

These are so numerous as to demand a separate chapter.

Talking of the serpent in the Garden of Eden, a lady teacher asked her
class what a serpent was like, when a boy aptly replied, "It's like a
lang rope furlin'."

On another occasion, in the same class, the question was, "What does the
devil tempt little boys and girls to do?" when the comical answer came,
"To chap at fouk's doors, mem."

It has been often told, but is worth repeating, how a pupil teacher was
doing his level best to make the children remember Samson's mighty deeds
with the jawbone of an ass, and, recapitulating, he asked, "What did
Samson slay ten thousand Philistines with? Eh?" No reply came. Then,
pointing to his jawbone, he asked, "What is this?" And at once the
answer belched proudly from half-a-dozen throats in unison, "The jawbone
of an ass."

In a country school the lesson was on "The Prodigal Son," and the
question, "What were the husks that the swine did eat?" met with the
prompt answer, "Tawtie peelin's." In a city seminary a teacher asked
her class, "Who knows everything we say and do?" when she received the
unexpected reply, "The fouk that bides next door to us."

Expecting to get the answer "Carnivorous" (as it bore on the lesson), a
teacher asked his class for an example of a bird of prey, and among
other answers he got was "A yellow yite." The boy who responded so, on
being asked to explain, continued, "Because it eats worms."

"What do you call the bird or beast that feeds on both animal and
vegetable foods?" was the next question. The teacher anticipated
"Omnivorous" this time, but it did not come. There was silence fo