ne morning when I was painting the General, he told me that my old
"Colonel" from G.H.Q. was coming to lunch. I hadn't seen him since he
sent the telegram, "When do you return?" When he arrived we were all
in the hall, but he didn't take the slightest notice of me. Presently,
we went in to lunch. He sat opposite to me, and about halfway through
the meal, he said, "Hello, Orpen! I didn't see you before." To which I
replied, "You have the advantage over me, sir. I don't remember ever
having seen you before." It was no good. We would never have made good
friends.

I regret that one night, while I was staying at G.H.Q. Tanks, I got
"blotto." It wasn't altogether my fault, people were so hospitable. It
was a night when I dined with General Sir John Davidson, "the Poet,"
at G.H.Q. I left "Tanks" on a bitterly cold, wet evening, and called
at the Canadian chateau at Hesdin. I found them all sitting round a
big fire. It was tea-time. The Colonel, who saw I was cold, gave me a
whisky-and-soda, which he repeated when I left. I then went on to the
C.-in-C.'s chateau to see Major Sir Philip Sassoon, and found him in
his hut outside the chateau. As soon as I sat down he rang his bell.
The orderly came. "A whisky-and-soda for Major Orpen," said he. This
came. When I had got through about half of it, his telephone rang.
"Run upstairs, Orp," said he, "and see Allan (Colonel Fletcher), he's
laid up in bed." So off I went and found his bedroom. As soon as I (p. 064)
came in he rang his bell. His servant came. "Whisky-and-soda," said
he. When I was about halfway through this, there were footsteps on the
stairs. "That's the Chief coming," said the Colonel. "Gosh!" said I,
and I pushed my whisky-and-soda well under the bed. In came the
C.-in-C. "Hello, little man!" said he, "you look cold; and they don't
seem to be very hospitable to you here, either." He rang the bell. The
orderly came. "Bring Major Orpen a whisky-and-soda," said he. That did
it. He talked for about ten minutes, and left. And in came Philip with
my half-finished drink, cursing. "I've been standing on those damned
stairs with Orp's drink for the last half-hour waiting for the Chief
to leave." So, of course, I had to finish it. And then the Colonel's.
And I went off to General Davidson's, and he had a nice cocktail ready
for me, and a good "bottle" for dinner--after which I do not remember
anything. But it was a bit of bad luck, one thing happening after
another like that