I began
also to "pull in resolution."[428] I considered that I had no means of
retreat; and that in all my sober moments, meaning my unpassionate ones,
for the doctors have taken from me the means of producing Dutch courage,
I have looked on political writing as a false step, and especially now
when I have a good deal at stake. So, upon the whole, I cancelled the
letter announcing the publication. If this was actually meanness it is a
foible nobody knows of. Anne set off for Edinburgh after breakfast. Poor
girl, she is very nervous. I wrote with Mr. L. till one--then had a walk
till three--then wrote this diary till four. Must try to get something
for Mr. Laidlaw, for I am afraid I am twaddling. I do not think my head
is weakened, but a strange vacillation makes me suspect. Is it not thus
that men begin to fail, becoming, as it were, infirm of purpose,

"... that way madness lies; let me shun that:
No more of that ..."[429]

Yet, why be a child about it? what must be, will be.

_February_ 15.--I wrote and corrected through the long day till one
o'clock; then rode out as far as Dr. Scott's, and called on him. Got a
fresh dose of proofs at Mathieson's, and returned home. At nine o'clock
at night had a card from Miss Bell [Maclachlan], wishing to speak to me
about some Highland music. Wrote for answer I knew nothing of the
matter, but would be happy to see Mrs. and Miss Bell to breakfast. I had
a letter of introduction by Robert Chambers, which I declined, being
then unwell. But as Trotter of Braid said, "The ladies maun come."

_February_ 16.--Mrs. and Miss Bell Maclachlan of the West Highlands,
mother and daughter, made their way to me to breakfast. I did not wish
to see them, being strangers; but she is very pretty--that is, the
daughter--and enthusiastic, and that is always flattering to an old
gentleman. She wishes to have words to Celtic melodies, and I have
promised her some, to the air of Crochallan, and incline to do her good,
perhaps, to the extent of getting her words from Lord Francis Leveson
Gower, Lockhart, and one or two others. We parted, she pleased with my
willing patronage, and I with an uncommon handsome countenance she
showed me.

This detained Mr. Laidlaw _re infecta_, and before I had written a page
the pony came to the door; but wrote something after dinner.

_February_ 17 and 18.--We had the usual course of food, study, and
exercise in the forenoon. Was extremely sleepy in the afterno