s
next epistle shall go back to the clerks of the Post Office, as not for
S.W.S. How the severe rogue would be disappointed, if he knew I never
looked at more than the first and last lines of his satirical effusion!

When I first saw that a literary profession was to be my fate, I
endeavoured by all efforts of stoicism to divest myself of that
irritable degree of sensibility--or, to speak plainly, of vanity--which
makes the poetical race miserable and ridiculous. The anxiety of a poet
for praise and for compliments I have always endeavoured [to keep down].

_December_ 29.--Base feelings this same calomel gives one--mean, poor,
and abject--a wretch, as Will Rose says:--

"Fie, fie, on silly coward man,
That he should be the slave o't."[102]

Then it makes one "wofully dogged and snappish," as Dr. Rutty, the
Quaker, says in his _Gurnal._[103]

Sent Lockhart four pages on Sheridan's plays; not very good, I think,
but the demand came sudden. Must go to W----k![104] yet am vexed by that
humour of contradiction which makes me incline to do anything else in
preference. Commenced preface for new edition of my Novels. The city of
Cork send my freedom in a silver box. I thought I was out of their grace
for going to see Blarney rather than the Cove, for which I was attacked
and defended in the papers when in Ireland. I am sure they are so civil
that I would have gone wherever they wished me to go if I had had any
one to have told me what I ought to be most inquisitive about.

"For if I should as lion come in strife
Into such place, 't were pity of my life."[105]

_December_ 30.--Spent at home and in labour--with the weight of
unpleasant news from Edinburgh. J.B. is like to be pinched next week
unless the loan can be brought forward. I must and have endeavoured to
supply him. At present the result of my attempts is uncertain. I am even
more anxious about C[onstable] & Co., unless they can get assistance
from their London friends to whom they gave much. All is in God's hands.
The worst can only be what I have before anticipated. But I must, I
think, renounce the cigars. They brought back (using two this evening)
the irritation of which I had no feelings while abstaining from them.
Dined alone with Gordon,[106] Lady S., and Anne. James Curle, Melrose,
has handsomely lent me L600; he has done kindly. I have served him
before and will again if in my power.

_December 31_.--Took a good sharp walk the first tim