riot or to waste as those of so many young men, I should now
have been used up, a dotard, as many of my school-fellows
are. I am respected by the natives, their kind expressions
often make me ashamed, and they are sincere. So much
deference and favor manifested without any effort on my part
to secure it comes from the Author of every good gift. I
acknowledge the mercies of the great God with devout and
reverential gratitude."

[Footnote 37: Livingstone's Remedy for African fever. See Appendix No.
II.]

Dr. Livingstone had declined a considerate proposal that another
missionary should accompany him, and deliberately resolved to go this
great journey alone. He knew, in fact, that except Mr. Moffat, who was
busy with his translation of the Bible, no other missionary would go
with him[38]. But in the absence of all to whom he could unburden his
spirit, we find him more freely than usual pouring out his feelings in
his Journal, and it is but an act of justice to himself that it should
be made known how his thoughts were running, with so bold and difficult
an undertaking before him:

[Footnote 38: Dr. Moffat informs us that Livingstone's desire for his
company was most intense, and that he pressed him in such a way as would
have been irresistible, had his going been possible. But for his
employment in translating, Dr. Moffat would have gone with all
his heart.]

_28th September,_ 1852.--Am I on my way to die in Sebituane's
country? Have I seen the end of my wife and children? The
breaking up of all my connections with earth, leaving this
fair and beautiful world, and knowing so little of it? I am
only learning the alphabet of it yet, and entering on an
untried state of existence. Following Him who has entered in
before me into the cloud, the veil, the Hades, is a serious
prospect. Do we begin again in our new existence to learn
much by experience, or have we full powers? My soul, whither
wilt thou emigrate? Where wilt thou lodge the first night
after leaving this body? Will an angel soothe thy fluttering,
for sadly flurried wilt thou be in entering upon eternity?
Oh! if Jesus speak one word of peace, that will establish in
thy breast an everlasting calm! O Jesus, fill me with Thy
love now, and I beseech Thee, accept me, and use me a little
for Thy glory. I have done nothing for Thee yet, and I would