e L.B. & S.C. Railway desire to state that the train from which the
deserter jumped without injuring himself was not really doing its
best.

***

A burglar was discovered concealed beneath the counter of a Leicester
butter-merchant's shop. It is understood that he came early to avoid
the rush.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Manager_. "WHY DON'T YOU GET IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
STAGE?"

_Tenor_ (_haughtily_). "I PREFER STAYING WHERE I AM."

_Manager_. "ALL RIGHT--ALL RIGHT! I SUPPOSE YOU THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE
TO POP DOWN THE EUPHONIUM IF THERE'S AN AIR-RAID."]

* * * * *

TITLE AND HALF-TITLE PAGES.

With a view to economy of paper, the title and half-title pages of
the Volume which is completed with the present issue are not being
delivered with copies of _Punch_ as usual; they will however be sent
free, by post, upon receipt of a request.

Those readers who have their Volumes bound at the _Punch_ Office, or
by other binders in the official binding-cases, will not need to apply
for copies of the title and half-title pages, as these will be bound
in by the _Punch_ Office or supplied direct to other binders along
with the cases.

* * * * *

"AFFAIRS IN RUSSIA.

[printed upside down: "MILITARY DICTATORSHIP"] "EXPECTED."--_Egyptian
Daily Mail_.

It looks as if the expectation has been upset.

* * * * *

"The defendant expressed regret that having misunderstood a
newspaper paragraph he charged one penny for a box of 'Pilot
matches.' Directly his attention was drawn to the matter he at
once charged the correct price, 3s. 43/4d."--_South London Press_.

Our journalists should really be more careful not to mislead honest
tradesmen.

* * * * *

WITH THE AUXILIARY PATROL.

I do not think there was a single man of the ship's company who bore
the loss of poor Mnemosyne dry-eyed. From the lieutenant down to the
trimmer we had become sincerely attached to this affectionate little
creature, and when unhappily, during the temporary absence of the
steward, she ventured to circumvent the rim of an open condensed
milk-tin, missed her footing and succumbed to a clammy death, there
was not a more unhappy trawler patrolling the North Sea than ours.

She was a weevil and I found her in my ship's biscuit. From the first
I recognised th