rench-coat and nothing else."

His face had fallen a little as I spoke. But it lit up again with
a sort of cunning excitement when I said "trench-coat." I wondered
why--then. Now I know. I thought that he was baffled and would say
no more, but I had forgotten the developments of trench warfare.

"This way, Sir," said the shopman.

He led me to a room which combined the architectural style of the
Crystal Palace and Waterloo Station with a touch of the dentist's
waiting-room. There was a khaki tent in the midst of it, and he led me
towards this with the air of a broody hen anticipating the number of
her chickens.

"The Vadecumomnibus trench-coat," said he.

"But it's a tent," I protested.

"It has collapsible aluminium centre seam," he retorted rapidly,
"which can be used as a tent pole in severe weather. On buttoning the
top button this pole telescopes automatically and forms a bullet-proof
spine protector. Each sleeve can be unscrewed and used in an emergency
as a Lewis gun. This is indispensable--"

"Of course," I interrupted. "But I require something quite simple and
straightforward. Just a trench-coat, you understand."

"We have here," he said immediately, "the Gadget coat. It possesses
three hundred button-holes and three hundred buttons. Every single
portion of the coat can be buttoned on to every other part at a
moment's notice. The pockets are detachable and can be used as coffee
cups or finger bowls. The coat itself, when stretched on our patent
aluminium framework, makes an admirable hip-bath."

I played nervously in my pocket with the pin of a live Mills grenade
(overlooked by the A.M.L.O.).

"A simple, straightforward trench-coat," I repeated.

"This," said the shopman, handing me something very like a slice of
plum-pudding--"this is the cross-section of a piece of the cloth out
of which our 'Stopablitey' trench-coat is manufactured. It shows the
strata of the material, consisting of alternate layers of old motor
tyres and reinforced concrete--the whole covered with alligator skin
and proofed with our patent indispensable--"

It was then that I killed him and buried him under a pyramid of
indispensable gadgets. It will be years before they find him.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Wife_ (_Time 3.45 A.M._). "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

_Special Constable_. "AIR-RAID DUTY, DEAR."

_Wife_. "WELL, DON'T LET THE CAT OUT."]

* * * * *

If T