in Paris,
you know, my dear. It gives me a sharp, stinging pain. Those burgs ain't
such a much. You can get just as good things to drink right here in New
York, so, I says to him, 'what's the use of making a fool trip like
that?' But he's noodly on the subject and spends half of his spare time
reading 'Short Trips in the Old World,' 'Life in the Latin Quarter,'
'Fifty-seven Ways to Avoid Tipping' and all that kind of junk. A trip to
Asbury Park would satisfy me just as well.

"Alia McSweeney's Judge gave her a new automobile the other day and we
had a match race on the Merrick Road. Honest, the way my car left her
tied to the post was a crime. We both stopped drinking three hours
before the race commenced, so that our nerves would be in good
condition."

"She may be a good chorus girl, but she certainly is a bum racer. I beat
her by two dogs, six chickens and a lamp post. I would have got a milk
wagon, only Wilbur carelessly blew the horn and scared him up a side
street. After the race the loser had to treat the winner to the big
eats. I can't tell you what we had, but I can say this much. If she
loses another race the Judge will have to go over to the corporations.
Eat? We had the best there was.

"Gee, I am sore on this racing thing. You know I went down there a
couple of weeks ago and chased the books up a tree. I prance down there
the other day and they had me going some. I had a crowd of inside info,
and what do I do but let a wop tout me out of it and play his horse. I
lost just five hundred cold ones by the deal, and I sure does give this
guy a laying out.

"I says to him, 'What license you got to give a lady a bum steer like
that? Here I go and plant my fifty on the dog you handed me at 6 to 5,
and the 10 to 1 shot I was going to play wins! Where's my comeback? I
ask you as a lady, where do I get off?' He offered to kick in with the
fifty I lost, but I put up such an awful roar that he gave me two
hundred more to ease my aching heart.

"I lose him in the crowd and then take a peek at the entries again and
find the gee-gee I intended betting on didn't even start. Of course I
couldn't find the party that gave me the two fifty, search as I might.
Wasn't that rotten luck?

"I ran that two fifty up to an even thousand before the last race and
then beat it for home and mother. The bunch went into the fresh air fund
along with the rest. I am now trying to meet some nice gentleman who
does business in Wall Stree