he subject gently. Don't go and ask
a woman if she's a cook, or had an appointment to meet a gentleman
here. _That_ won't do. I'll tell you! You might introduce the
business by asking if she had happened to see a lady coming in or
going out; and then describe Agnes, and say you had expected to meet
her here. And she'll say she hadn't seen her here, but such a lady had
just engaged her as a cook. And then you'll say you're the lady's
husband, and you're sure she'll be in in a moment. And there you are!
That's the way you ought to have worked it with Mrs. McIlheny. Then it
would have come out all right."

Roberts, pessimistically: "I don't see how it would have made her the
cook."

Campbell: "It couldn't have done that, of course; but it would have
done everything short of that. But we're well enough out of it,
anyway. It was mighty lucky I came in with my little amendment just
when I did. There's all the difference in the world between asking a
lady whether she _is_ a cook and whether she's _seen_ a cook. That
difference just saved the self-respect of the McIlhenys, and saved
your life. It gave the truth a slight twist in the right direction.
You can't be too careful about the truth, Roberts. You can't offer it
to people in the crude state; it's got to be prepared. If you'd
carried it through the way I wanted you to, the night you and old
Bemis garroted each other, you'd have come out perfectly triumphant.
What you want is not the _real_ truth, but the _ideal_ truth; not what
you _did,_ but what you _ought_ to have done. Heigh? Now, you see,
those McIlhenys have gone off with their susceptibilities in perfect
repair, simply because I substituted a _for_ for an _if,_ and made you
inquire _for_ a cook instead of _if_ she was a cook. Perhaps you did
ask for instead of ask if?"

Roberts: "No, no. I asked her if she _was_ a cook."

Campbell: "Well, I'm glad the McIlhenys had too much sense to believe
that. They're happy, anyway. They're enjoying the hobble that you and
Agnes are in, with lofty compassion. They--hello! here's that fellow
coming back again!"

Roberts: "Who? Which? Where?" He starts nervously about, and confronts
Mr. McIlheny bearing down upon him with a countenance of provisional
severity.

McIlheny: "Just wan word more wid you, sor. Mrs. McIlheny has been
thinkun' it oover, and she says you didn't ask her if she was after
_seeun_ a cuke, but whether she was after _beun'_ a cuke? Now, sor,
which wahs u