self-purification, self-control are the only conditions of
happiness on earth, I was detached, purified, controlled by God
Himself. I was detached, because my life was utterly precarious, I was
taught purification and control, because whereas more robust people can
defer and even defy the penalties of luxury, comfort, gross desires,
material pleasures, I was forced, every day and hour, to deny myself
the smallest freedom--I was made ascetic by necessity. Then came a
greater happiness still; for years I was lost in a sort of
individualistic self-absorption, with no thoughts of anything but God
and His concern with myself--often hopeful and beautiful enough--when I
found myself drawn into nearer and dearer relationships with those
around me. That came through my niece, whom I adopted as an orphan
child, and who is one of those people who live naturally and
instinctively in the lives of other people. I got to know all the
inhabitants of this little place--simple country people, you will
say--but as interesting, as complex in emotion and intellect, as any
other circle in the world. The only reason why one ever thinks people
dull and limited, is because one does not know them; if one talks
directly and frankly to people, one passes through the closed doors at
once. Looking back, I can see that I have been used by God, not with
mere compassion and careless tenderness, but with an intent, exacting,
momentary love, of an almost awful intensity and intimacy. It is the
same with all of us, if we can only see it. Our faults, our weaknesses,
our qualities good or bad, are all bestowed with an anxious and
deliberate care. The reason why some of us make shipwreck--and even
that is mercifully and lovingly dispensed to us--is because we will not
throw ourselves on the side of God at every moment. Every time that the
voice says 'Do this,' or 'Leave that undone,' and we reply fretfully,
'Ah, but I have arranged otherwise,' we take a step backwards. He
knocks daily, hourly, momently, at the door, and when we have once
opened, and He is entered, we have no desire again but to do His will
to the uttermost." He was silent for a moment, his eyes in-dwelling
upon some secret thought; then he said, "Everything about you, your
books, your dear wife, your words, your face, tell me that you are very
near indeed to the way--a step or two, and you are free!" He sate back
for a moment, as though exhausted, and then said: "You will forgive me
for spea