e up by a "pocket-pistol."

* * * * *

"After all, the custom of marrying only into Royal houses came to us
from Germany, and dates from the Hanoverians.... The case of Henry
VIII. is well known. Four of his wives were plain Englishwomen...."--
_Sunday Herald._

Not so plain, however, as the German one, ANNE OF CLEVES.

* * * * *

[Illustration: CANNON-FODDER--AND AFTER.

KAISER (_to 1917 Recruit_). "AND DON'T FORGET THAT YOUR KAISER WILL FIND A
USE FOR YOU--ALIVE OR DEAD."

[At the enemy's "Establishment for the Utilisation of Corpses" the dead
bodies of German soldiers are treated chemically, the chief commercial
products being lubricant oils and pigs' food.]]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Aunt._ "THIS IS A TERRIBLE WAR. ALL OF US MUST GO WITHOUT
SOMETHING."

_R.F.C. Officer._ "WELL, I TRY TO BE BRAVE ABOUT IT, AUNT. BUT THIS
ZEPPELIN SHORTAGE HITS ME VERY HARD."]

* * * * *

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.

I.

_Lewis Gun Officer._--... So let me repeat and impress upon you, men, that
the rifle is an effete weapon--extinct as the--what-you-call-it bird. It
played its part, a good part, in the South African War, but we who observed
what the machine gun did then and foretold its immense development [_he was
just nine years old at that time_] knew that the rifle would soon be in the
museums along with the bows and arrows. Pay attention, Private Jones. The
Lewis Gun, the weapon of opportunity, is a platoon in itself. _I_ don't
know what the Government want to worry about men for. The Germans don't
fill up their front trenches with a lot of soldiers to be killed with
shrapnel. No, a machine gun every twenty or thirty yards is quite enough to
hold any defensive line. So just bear these things in mind; and don't
forget what we have learnt to-day. All right. Nine o'clock to-morrow.

II.

_Physical Training Sergeant-Instructor._--Forward be--end. Ster--retch.
Be--end. Ster--retch. Feet together--place. 'Ands--down. Stan--zee. Squad
--'shun. Fingers straight, that man. Wotjer say? WOT? I can't 'elp wot the
drill-sergeant tells yer. When I sez "'Shun" I want fingers _straight
down_. On the command "Sitting--_down_" every man sits _down_ tailor-
fashion. Sitting--_down_. [_This is the position in which Swedish drill
squads hear words of wisdom._] Listen. An' look at me over there