not very far off; when we see "sadness," it leads at once to
"madness"--to "borrow" is sure to be followed by "sorrow;" and although it
is said, "_when_ poverty comes in at the door, love flies out of the
window,"--a saying which seems to imply that poverty _may_ sometimes enter
at the chimney or elsewhere--yet I assure you, in poetry, "the poor"
_always_ come in, and always go out at "the door."

My new invention has closed the "door," for the future, against the vulgar
crew of versifiers. A man _must_ be original. He must write common-sense
too--hard exactions I know, but it cannot be helped.

I transmit you a specimen. Like all great discoveries, the chief merit of
my invention is its simplicity. Lest, however, "the meanest capacity"
(which cannot, by the way, be supposed to be addicted to PUNCH) should
boggle at it, it may be as well to explain that every letter of the final
word of each alternate line must be pronounced as though Dilworth himself
presided at the perusal; and that the last letter (or letters) placed in
_italics_ will be found to constitute the rhyme. Here, then, we have

A RENCONTRE WITH A TEA-TOTALLER.

On going forth last night, a friend to see,
I met a man by trade a s-n-o-_b_;
Reeling along the path he held his way.
"Ho! ho!" quoth I, "he's d-r-u-n-_k_."
Then thus to him--"Were it not better, far,
You were a little s-o-b-e-_r_?
'Twere happier for your family, I guess,
Than playing off such rum r-i-g-_s_.
Besides, all drunkards, when policemen see 'em,
Are taken up at once by t-h-_e_-_m_."
"Me drunk!" the cobbler cried, "the devil trouble you!
You want to kick up a blest r-o-_w_.
Now, may I never wish to work for Hoby,
If drain I've had!" (the lying s-n-o-_b_!)
"I've just return'd from a tee-total party,
Twelve on us jamm'd in a spring c-a-_r_-_t_.
The man as lectured, now, _was_ drunk; why, bless ye,
He's sent home in a c-h-a-i-_s_-_e_.
He'd taken so much lush into his belly,
I'm blest if he could t-o-dd-_l_-_e_.
A pair on 'em--hisself and his good lady;--
The gin had got into her h-e-_a_-_d_.
(My eye and Betty! what weak mortals _we_ are;
They said they took but ginger b-e-_e_-_r_!)
But as for me, I've stuck ('twas rather ropy)
All day to weak imperial p-o-_p_.
And now we've had this little bit o'sparrin',
Just stand a q-u-a-r-t-e-_r_-_n_!"

* * * * *

A man in New-York enjoys such very _exc