the mat. Of course I didn't really _believe_ they would be there;
I only had every confidence. Anyhow they were not.

This morning the Quartermaster called in person. He wanted to know what
size I took in boots.

I expect now that the matter will be put through almost at once.

* * * * *

[Illustration: OUR BOYS.

_Outraged Elder Brother_ (_who has been asked for a light_). "You're a
nice example for young 'Erb. 'Ow dare you 'ave Cigarettes?"

_Brother Bill._ "They ain't mine--they're 'Erb's."]

* * * * *

An Impending Apology.

"Chaplain would appreciate portable Gramophone for clearing
station."--_The Times._

* * * * *

HARD CASES.

Among other applications which were recently heard for exemption from
the new Compulsory Service Act for unmarried men we extract the
following:--

Mr. Isaac Goldstein claimed exemption for his clerk, a stalwart youth of
twenty-two, on the ground that he was indispensable to him in his
business.

Asked what his business was the applicant said he was a bookmaker.

_The Chairman._ I thought there was no racing now.

_Mr. Goldstein._ Oh, yes. Steeple-chasing every week.

_The Chairman._ Do people still go to races and bet?

_Mr. Goldstein._ Of course they do. Why not?

_The Chairman._ I fancied they might have found other things to do. Also
I fancied that money might be short.

The applicant said that there was plenty of money about if you knew
where to look for it.

_The Chairman._ And who ride the horses?

_Mr. Goldstein._ The jockeys, of course.

_The Chairman._ They prefer that to doing anything more serious for
their country?

_Mr. Goldstein._ They are doing something very serious for their
country. They're preserving the breed of horses. Where would old
England's horseflesh be without races and steeplechases?

_The Chairman._ You say this young man is indispensable to you. How?

_Mr. Goldstein._ He is my clerk. He writes down the bets. I haven't got
time to write down bets myself; I'm too busy taking them. He's one of
the quickest clerks in England. I should go broke if I hadn't got him.

Application refused.

Mr. Joe Tummilee applied for the exemption of a comedian playing in his
revue, "Never mind the War." This young man, he said, who was
twenty-nine, was the life and soul of the piece, and if he joined the
Army the applicant would be put both to