St. Peter's, trudging to and
fro among the other orphans, with corns on the palms of his hands and
bruises and scratches on his bare legs and feet.
And then when visitors were about: 'If they only knew,' 'If they could
have seen,' 'If I were to tell them'--such phrases formed the
beginning of many thoughts in my mind. I can remember endeavouring to
mould my expression upon such occasions to fit the part I consciously
played; to adopt the look I thought proper to the disinherited
aristocrat, the gently-nurtured child now outcast in the world, the
orphan. Yes, I distinctly remember, when a visitor of any parts at all
was in sight, composing my features and attitude to suit the orphan's
part, as distinguished from that of the mere typical 'inmate,' who,
incidentally, was an orphan too. I found secret consolation in the
conception that however much I might be in St. Peter's Orphanage, I
would never be wholly of it--a real 'inmate' I remember, as I thought
not unskilfully, scheming to arouse Sister Mary's interest in me, as I
had aroused the interest of other people in myself on the _Ariadne_
and elsewhere, and only relinquishing my pursuit when baffled, upon
contact, by the poor sister's physical infirmity before-mentioned. I
am bound to say that she made less response to my overtures than that
made by the cows I milked, who really did show some mild, bovine
preference for me.
But there it is. In view of these things I cannot have been wholly
unhappy, for I remained a keenly interested observer of life, and of
my own meanderings on its stage. But I will say that I liked St.
Peter's less than any other place I had known, and that mentally,
morally, emotionally, and spiritually, as well as physically, I was
rather starved there. The life of the place did arrest my development
in all ways, I think, and it may be that I have suffered always, to
some extent, from that period of insufficient nutrition of mind and
body.
III
The custom of St. Peter's Orphanage was to allow farmers and local
residents generally to choose an orphan, as they might pick out a
heifer or a colt from a stockyard, and take him away for good--or ill.
I believe the only stipulation was that the orphan could not in any
case be returned to St. Peter's. If the selector found him to be a
damaged or incomplete orphan, that was the selector's own affair, and
he had to put up with his bargain as best he might. The person who
chose an orphan in this wa
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