urse, was gross
extravagance. Our candles seemed to me abominably short, and I once
tried to seduce Mrs. Gabbitas into allowing me two at a time; but she,
good soul, wisely said that one was more than I had any right to burn
in an evening, and I was too miserly to buy them for myself.

Yes, it seems horribly unnatural in a youth, but I am afraid I was
rather miserly at that time. I wanted passionately to do various
things. Precisely what, I had never so far thought out. But I did not
desire the less ardently for that. I suppose the thing I wanted was to
'better myself,' as the servants say. Was I not a servant? Without
ever reasoning the matter out, I felt strongly that the possession of
some money, a certain store, was very necessary to my well-being; that
in some mysterious way it would add immensely to my chances, to my
strength in the world; that it would put me on a footing superior to
that I had at present. I even thought of it, in my innocence, as
Capital. Many of my musings used to begin with: 'If a fellow has
Capital'--and I believed that if he had not this magic talisman his
position was very different and inferior. I thought of the world's
hewers of wood and drawers of water as being the folk who had no
Capital; the others as the people who had somehow acquired possession
of the talisman. And I suppose I wanted to be of the company of the
others.

Ten shillings a week means twenty-six pounds a year; and I very well
remember that on the first anniversary of my entering Mr. Perkins's
employ, my Government Savings Bank book showed a balance to my credit
of twenty-two pounds three and fourpence. This sum, I decided, might
fairly rank as Capital; it really merited the august name, I felt,
being actually above the sum of twenty pounds. Eighteen pounds was a
respectable nest-egg. Yes, but twenty-three [sic] pounds three and
fourpence--that was Capital; and I now definitely took rank, however
humbly, among the people who possessed the talisman. I realised very
well that I was poor; that this sum of money was not a large one.
Still, it was Capital, and, as such, it gave me a deal of
satisfaction, and more of confidence than I could have had without it.
I am certain of that. What a pity it is that one cannot always, later
in life, obtain the same secure and confident feeling by virtue of
possessing twenty pounds!

This meant that I had spent less than four pounds in the year. But no;
Mr. Perkins gave me ten shillin