Beveridge continued, "and I became more nearly
the same weight as my stepfather, my life grew happier. It was decided to
send me to college, so I was provided with an insufficient cheque, a
complete set of plated forks, and three bath-towels, and despatched to the
University of Oxford. At least I think that was the name of the
corporation which took my money and endeavoured to restrict my habits,
though, to confess the truth, my memory is not what it used to be. There I
learned wisdom by the practice of folly--the most amusing and effective
method. My tutor used to tell me I had some originality. I apologised for
its presence in such a respectable institution, and undertook to pass an
examination instead. I believe I succeeded: I certainly remember giving a
dinner to celebrate something. Thereupon at my own expense the University
inflicted a degree upon me, but I was shortly afterwards compensated by
the death of my uncle and my accession to his estates. Having enjoyed a
university education, and accordingly possessing a corrected and regulated
sentiment, I was naturally inconsolable at the decease of this venerable
relative, who for so long had shown a kindly interest in the poor orphan
lad."

He stopped to sigh again, and Lady Alicia asked with great interest, "But
your step-parents, you always had them, hadn't you?"

"Never!" he replied, sadly.

"Never?" she exclaimed in some bewilderment.

"Certainly not often," he answered, "and oftener than not, never. If you
had told me beforehand you wished to hear my history, I should have pruned
my family tree into a more presentable shape. But if you will kindly tell
me as I go along which of my relatives you disapprove of, and who you
would like to be introduced, I shall arrange the plot to suit you."

"I only wish to hear the true story, Mr Hamilton."

"Fortescue," he corrected. "I certainly prefer to be called by one name at
a time, but never by the same twice running."

He smiled so agreeably as he said this that Lady Alicia, though puzzled
and a little hurt, could not refrain from smiling back.

"Let me hear the rest," she said.

"It is no truer than the first part, but quite as entertaining. So, if you
like, I shall endeavour to recall the series of painful episodes that
brought me to Clankwood," he answered, very seriously.

Lady Alicia settled herself comfortably into one corner of the sofa and
prepared to feel affected. But at that moment the portly form o