I shall change them when I dress for
dinner," said I, with consummate ease.

"The jam is lost, however. Will you kindly beat him about the head with
that candlestick beside you?"

I seized the implement, as if in most choleric mood. But my black was
not to be caught so easily; and with a dive between my legs he bolted
for the door, whilst I was pitched forward against the step-ladder,
head foremost. In my terror, I threw out my hands to save myself,
and caught--not the ladder, but Madam Davis's legs; and down we went
together, with a small avalanche of brown jars and preserve-pots
clattering over us.

As I had gone headforemost, my head through the ladder, and as Mrs.
Davis had fallen on the top of me,--her head being reversed,--there we
lay, like herrings in a barrel, till her swoon had passed away. At last
she did rally; and, gathering herself up, sat against the wall, a most
rueful picture of bruises and disorder, while I, emerging from between
the steps of the ladder, began to examine whether it were marmalade or
my brains that I felt coming down my cheek.

[Illustration: 217]

"You'll never mention this shocking event, Cornelius," said she, trying
to adjust her wig, which now faced over the left shoulder.

"Never, my lady. Am I to consider myself engaged?"

"Yes, on the terms of Captain Pike's note,--ten pounds--, no wine nor
tea-money, no passage-fare out, no livery, no--" I was afraid she was
going to add, "No prog;" but she grew faint, and merely said, "Bring me
a glass of water."

"I'll put you in charge of the lamps and plate tomorrow," said she,
recovering.

"Very well, madam," said I, aloud; while to myself I muttered, "They
might easily be in better hands."

"You'll wait at table to-day."

"Yes, my lady--madam, I mean."

"Soup always goes first to Mrs. Trussford,--black velvet, and very fat;
then to the lady in blue spectacles; afterwards Miss Moriarty. Ah, I 'm
too weak for giving directions; I 'm in what they call 'un etat de
fuillete;'" and with these words Mrs. Davis retired, leaving me to the
contemplation of the battle-field and my own bruises.

My next care was to present myself below stairs; and although some may
smile at the avowal, I had far more misgivings about how I should pass
muster with the underlings than with the head of the department. Is the
reader aware that it was a farrier of the Emperor Alexander's guard who
first predicted the destruction of the "grand army" in Russ