ny fail to participate in these preparatory schoolings. What
frightful heads in curl-papers would appear at breakfast and dinner!
What buttoned-up coats and black cravats refuse all investigation on the
score of linen! What mysterious cookings of cosmetics at midnight, with
petty thefts of lard and thick cream! What washings of kid gloves, that
when washed would never go on again! What inventions of French-polish
that refused all persuasions to dry, but continued to stick to and paint
everything it came in contact with! Then there were high dresses cut
down, like frigates razeed; frock-coats reduced to dress ones; mock
lace and false jewelry were at a premium; and all the little patchwork
devices of ribbons, bows, and carnations, gimp, gauze, and geraniums,
were put into requisition,--petty acts of deception that each saw
through in her neighbor, but firmly believed were undetectable in
herself.

Then what caballings about the invited; what scrutiny into rank and
station,--"what set they were in," and whom did they visit; with little
Star-chamber inquisitions as to character, all breaches of which, it is
but fair to state, were most charitably deemed remediable if the party
had any pretension to social position; for not only the saint in crape
was twice a saint in lawn, but the satin sinner was pardonable where the
"washing silk" would have been found guilty without a "recommendation."

Then there was eternal tuning of the pianoforte, which most perversely
insisted on not suiting voices that might have sung duets with a
peacock. Quadrilles were practised in empty rooms; and Miss Timmock was
actually seen trying to teach Blotter to waltz,--a proceeding, I rejoice
to say, that the moral feeling of the household at once suppressed. And
then, what a scene of decoration went forward in all the apartments! As
in certain benevolent families, whatever is uneatable is always given to
the poor, so here, all the artificial flowers unavailable for the toilet
were generously bestowed to festoon along the walls, to conceal tin
sconces, and to wreathe round rickety chandeliers. Contrivance--that
most belauded phenomenon in Nature's craft--was everywhere. If necessity
be the mother of invention, poor gentility is the "stepmother." Never
were made greater efforts, or greater sacrifices incurred, to make
Mrs. D. appear like a "West-end" leader of fashion, and to make the
establishment itself seem a Holderness House.

As for me, I was t