ke a reformed
drunkard. Often have I seen them approach within a few feet of it,
and wait patiently till some younger and more adventurous spirit would
venture nearer, and then, at the slightest stir,--the least rustling of
my bed-clothes,--away they went in full career. It was evident that the
secret, like most great mysteries of the same kind, had had its day.
This was consolatory, too, as I had no longer the means of continuing my
siege operations; while the caution and reserve of the enemy suggested
a system of defence of the simplest, but most effectual kind, which was,
to place a certain number of bottles at different parts of the hut, the
very sight of which inspired terror; and if followed by any noise, was
certain to secure me, for some time at least, from all molestation.

Shall I tell the reader how this stratagem first occurred to me? It was
simply thus: In one of the early but unrecorded years of my history, I
used to act as driver to the Moate and Kilbeggan caravan,--not, indeed,
as the recognized coachee of that very rickety and most precarious
conveyance, but as a kind of "deputy assistant" to the paid official,
who, having a wife at Kilbeggan, usually found some excuse for stopping
at Clara, and sending me forward with the passengers,--a proceeding, I
am bound to own, not over consistent with humanity to "man or beast."
Many were the misadventures of that luckless conveniency, and the
public were loud in their denunciations of it; but as nobody knew the
proprietors, nor did the most searching scrutiny detect the existence of
a "way-bill," the complaints were uttered to the wind, and I was at
full liberty "to do my stage" in three hours, or one half the time, as I
fancied.

The passengers at length learned this valuable fact, and found that
greasing my palm was a sure method of oiling the wheels. All complaints
gradually subsided; in fact, the dumb animals were the only ones who had
any right to make them. I drove them at a very brisk pace,--a thriving
trade; the caravan became popular, and my fame rose as the horses'
condition declined. At last the secret was discovered; and instead of my
imposing whip of four yards and a half of whipcord, they reduced me to
a stunted bit of stick, with a little drooping lash that would n't reach
the tail of my one leader. My receipts fell off from that hour; in fact,
instead of praises and sixpences, I now got nothing but curses and hard
names; and at one hill, near "