headed
me off it. If I liked the Jungfrau as a background I could have
it, but not with the seat; that was for engaged couples only. He
recommended a pair of skis, or a bobsleigh; he could put a fine fall
of snow into the negative. But as I had arrayed myself in a black
coat, with one of those white waistcoat slips, and a flowing tie with
a pearl pin, I refused this offer, and we decided we wouldn't have a
background at all.

As the man who administered the laughing gas was out at lunch, I
prepared to go through with it in cold blood, and seated myself in the
operating chair in the most natural attitude I could assume--something
like the one I had taken under the crab-tree. I thought I would show
them that there wasn't so much difference after all. But it did not
suit the head mechanic at all. He looked at me with his head on one
side, and then took hold of mine by the chin and the hair and gave it
a twist. I had never worn it at that angle in my life, and I knew it
would put my collar all wrong; but I had to do what he told me. He
arranged my coat so that it should look as if it had been made to
fit somebody else, and disposed my arms in such a way as to give the
sleeves the appearance of trouser legs with rucks in them. I felt
almost more sorry for my tailor than for myself, but I shall send him
one of the prints when I get them; it will be good for him.

We were now ready to tackle the expression. I had chosen one that
would have been suitable for a man with a fair No Trump hand, but
with one suit not fully guarded, as I didn't want to overdo it; but,
judging from the inquisitor's remarks about the graveside, I am quite
ready to admit that it might not have come out like that. I hastily
dealt myself a hundred aces and a long suit of clubs, and he said
that that was better, but I must put off the idea of the funeral
altogether. It was not until I had assumed the appearance of a
reach-me-down Nut with a dislocated neck, being made love to by
six chorus-girls at once, that he condescended to take a look at
me through the peephole. Then he ran up to me, gave my chin another
hitch, pulled my neck another foot or two out of my collar, added a
ruck or two to my sleeves, and said he liked the other side of my face
better, after all.

So we went through it all again, and I worked at it with a will, for I
wanted to see him get under his black cloth and finish the business.

It wasn't as bad as I had thought, but he was no