all my savings in speculative shares, and the variations of the market
have unduly depressed me. When I am depressed I take no food, and that
depresses me even more."

You will be as surprised as we were that this was allowed to continue,
but when a man of so few words as Thompson chooses to come out of
his shell he is always master of the situation. "And so, Sir," he
continued, "I have taken the liberty of telephoning to the mews for
a cab."

He paused and bowed, as if this made it all clear, and was about
to withdraw. "Kindly finish serving dinner at once, and don't be
impudent," my father got out at last.

Thompson sighed. "It is absolutely out of the question, Sir," said he.
"Quite, quite impossible."

"Why on earth?" cried my father.

Thompson became, if possible, more solemn and deliberate than before.
"I am drunk, Sir," said he.

At this point Mrs. Robinson, whose indignation had slowly been
swelling within her, rose and left the room. Robinson, as in duty
bound, followed. Neither of them, to my infinite joy, has ever
returned...

"Depressed by want of food, Sir," continued Thompson, by sheer duress
preventing my father from following his guests and attempting to
pacify them, "I have taken to spirits. I do not like the taste of
spirits and they go at once to my head. They depress me further, Sir,
but they intoxicate me. Yes, I am undoubtedly tipsy."

My father seized the opportunity of his pause for reflection to order
him to leave the room and present himself in the morning when he was
sober.

"You dismiss us without notice, Sir," he stated, referring to himself
and his wife in the kitchen. "First thing in the morning we go. And so
I have ordered the cab to take us."

This was a very proper fate for Thompson but came a little hard on my
father. "But what am _I_ to do?" asked he.

Thompson regarded him with a desultory smile. "The Mews desires to
know, Sir," said he, "who will pay for the cab?"

I ought to be able to state that there followed with the cold light
of day an apology, with passionate tears and remorse, from Thompson,
or at least a severe reprimand from my father before he consented to
keep him on. I regret to say that my father, next morning, postponed
the interview till the evening, and from the evening till the next
morning, and--that interview is still pending. If this seems weak, you
have only to see Thompson to realize that no man with any sense of the
incongruous could even me