So the deed was done, but whenever I gaze
On my face in the glass I moan
As I think of the mid-Victorian days
When my upper lip was my own.
For now, of length and of breadth bereft,
The ghost of a tooth-brush is all that's left.

* * * * *

"MISSING NAVY PAYMASTER ARRESTED."

_"Evening Standard" Poster._

So that's where it was all the time!

* * * * *

"The Under-sheriff said ... rumours against a man's
character were like a rolling stone, gathering moss as it
went."--_Western Mail_.

"As fond of the fire as a burnt child," is another of the Under
Sheriff's favourite sayings.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Indulgent Householder_. "WHY ARE YOU SINGING CAROLS,
MY LITTLE MAN? DON'T YOU KNOW CHRISTMAS IS OVER?"

_Youthful Caroller_. "YES, SIR; BUT I 'AD MEASLES ALL FROO
CHRISTMAS."]

* * * * *

ONCE UPON A TIME.

GLAMOUR.

Once upon a time there was a peer who knew the frailty of unennobled
man.

Having occasion to entertain at dinner a number of useful follows, he
instructed his butler to transfer the labels from a number of empty
bottles of champagne to an equal number of magnums of dry ginger-ale,
at ten shillings the dozen, and these were placed on the table.

At the beginning of the repast his lordship casually drew attention
to the wine which he was giving his guests, and asked for their candid
opinion of it, as he was aware that they were all good judges, who
knew a good thing when they saw it, and he would value their opinion.

And they one and all said it was an excellent champagne, and two or
three made a note of it in their pocket-books. And such was their
loyal enthusiasm that the banquet ended in a fine glow of something
exactly like hilarity.

* * * * *

AT THE PLAY.

"MARY-GIRL."

"I'm not going to give up my daily bath!" In these pregnant and moving
words rang the _cri de coeur_ which was to precipitate the tragedy of
_Mary Sheppard_. To you the attitude of mind which provoked this cry
may seem as natural as it was sanitary. But you must understand that
it ran directly counter to _Ezra Sheppard's_ ideal of the simple
God-fearing life. Godliness with him came first, and cleanliness
followed where it could. In his view a tub once a week was all that
any sane person should need. Apart from th