ent of my
existence. Let me run over this portion of my narrative with as much
haste as the nature of the events to be spoken of will permit. The only
method we could devise for the terrific lottery, in which we were to
take each a chance, was that of drawing straws. Small splinters of wood
were made to answer our purpose, and it was agreed that I should be
the holder. I retired to one end of the hulk, while my poor companions
silently took up their station in the other with their backs turned
toward me. The bitterest anxiety which I endured at any period of this
fearful drama was while I occupied myself in the arrangement of the
lots. There are few conditions into which man can possibly fall where he
will not feel a deep interest in the preservation of his existence;
an interest momentarily increasing with the frailness of the tenure by
which that existence may be held. But now that the silent, definite, and
stern nature of the business in which I was engaged (so different from
the tumultuous dangers of the storm or the gradually approaching horrors
of famine) allowed me to reflect on the few chances I had of escaping
the most appalling of deaths--a death for the most appalling of
purposes--every particle of that energy which had so long buoyed me up
departed like feathers before the wind, leaving me a helpless prey to
the most abject and pitiable terror. I could not, at first, even summon
up sufficient strength to tear and fit together the small splinters of
wood, my fingers absolutely refusing their office, and my knees knocking
violently against each other. My mind ran over rapidly a thousand absurd
projects by which to avoid becoming a partner in the awful speculation.
I thought of falling on my knees to my companions, and entreating them
to let me escape this necessity; of suddenly rushing upon them, and,
by putting one of them to death, of rendering the decision by lot
useless--in short, of every thing but of going through with the matter
I had in hand. At last, after wasting a long time in this imbecile
conduct, I was recalled to my senses by the voice of Parker, who urged
me to relieve them at once from the terrible anxiety they were enduring.
Even then I could not bring myself to arrange the splinters upon the
spot, but thought over every species of finesse by which I could trick
some one of my fellow-sufferers to draw the short straw, as it had been
agreed that whoever drew the shortest of four splinters from m