of the Cinque Ports."--_Daily News._

[Illustration:]

There were three sailors of London city
Who found their (Party) ship at sea,
Although with programmes, authorised and unauthorised,
Most carefully they had loaded she.

There was greedy JOE and glosing JIMMY,
And the third was named Grand Old BILLEE;
And they were reduced to the piteous prospect
Of grubbing on one split (Party) pea.

Says greedy JOE to glosing JIMMY,
"For captaincy I am hungaree."
To greedy JOE says glosing JIMMY,
"Then you and I must get rid of _he_."

Says greedy JOE to glosing JIMMY,
"With one another _we_ should agree.
With me as Captain, and you as First Mate,
If it wasn't for Grand Old BILLEE."

"Oh, BILLEE, we're going to chuck you over,
So prepare for a bath in the Irish Sea."
When BILL received this information,
His dexter optic winked he.

"First let me take an observation
From the main-top over the Irish Sea!"
"Make haste, make haste," says glosing JIMMY,
Whilst JOE he fumbled his snickersnee.

So BILLY went up to the main-top-gallant mast,
And began to count o'er the Irish Sea;
And he scarce had come to eighty-six, or so,
When up he jumps. "Land Ho!" shouts he.

"I can see Ould Ireland! There's the Bay of Dublin;
With a distant glimpse of Amerikee.
And the Parliament upon College Green, bhoys,
With a right good glass I can (almost) see."

So they went ashore, and the crew when mustered
Kicked Guzzling JOE, and cashiered JIMMEE.
But as for Grand Old BILLEE, they gave him
Of the old "Deal Castle" the captaincy!

[Footnote A: As various versions of the popular song of _"Little
Billee"_ have been set to music and sung, no apology is needed for the
insertion in these pages of the version most up to date.]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Commons, Monday, February 24._--"Look here, TOBY, M.P.," said
ARTHUR BALFOUR, almost fiercely; "if you suppose that I enjoy this sort
of thing, you're quite mistaken." Hadn't supposed any such thing;
hadn't, indeed, referred to the matter. Only looked at him inquiringly,
as ATTORNEY-GENERAL for IRELAND, trudging stolidly through the mire,
attempted to answer CHARLES RUSSELL. "If I _am_ Irish Secretary, as
TREVELYAN once said, I'm an English gentleman, and if you suppose I have
any sympa