use? He'll catch on."

"Leave that to me," said Petey. "Anyway, he won't catch on. When I told
him we had a checkroom for pappooses in the Siwash chapel he wrote it
down and asked if the Indians ever massacred the professors. He wouldn't
catch on if we fed him dog for dinner. Just come and see for yourself."

I agreed with Petey when I took a good look at the victim a minute
later. We found him in the car ahead, sitting on the edge of the seat
and looking as if he expected to be eaten alive, without salt, any
minute. You could have told that he was from extremely elsewhere at
first glance. He was as different as if he had worn tattoo-marks for
trousers. He was a stout party with black-rimmed eyeglasses, side
whiskers that you wouldn't have believed even if you had seen them, and
slabs of iron-gray hair with a pepper-and-salt traveling cap stuck on
top of his head like a cupola. He was beautifully curved and his black
preacher uniform looked as if it had been put on him by a paperhanger. I
forgot to tell you that his name was the Reverend Ponsonby Diggs. He had
to tell it to me four times and then write it down, for the way he
handled his words was positively heartless. He clipped them, beheaded
them, disemboweled them and warped them all out of shape. Have you ever
heard a real ingrowing Englishman start a word in the roof of his mouth
and then back away from it as if it was red-hot and had prickles on it?
It's interesting. They seem to think it is indecent to come brazenly out
and sound a vowel.

The Reverend Ponsonby Diggs--as near as I could get it he called himself
"Pubby Daggs"--greeted Petey with great relief. He seemed to regard us
as a rescue brigade. "Reahly, you know, this is extraordinary," he
sputtered. "I have never seen such disorder. What will the authorities
do?"

That touched my pride. "Pshaw, man!" I says; "we're only warming up.
Pretty soon we'll take this train out in the woods and lose it."

I meant it for a joke. But the Reverend Mr. Diggs hadn't specialized in
American jokes. "You don't mean to say they will derail the train!" he
said anxiously. Then I knew that Petey was going to win my dress suit.

I assured the Reverend--pshaw, I'm tired of saying all that! I'm going
to save breath. I assured Diggsey that derailing was the kindest thing
ever done to trains by Siwash students, but that as his hosts we would
stand by him, whatever happened. Then Petey slipped away to arrange the
cast and I