th a hairbrush now,
Heaven only knows what she'll be after him with in a year, for Gran'ma
Mullins' own husband went from a cake of soap to a whole cheese in a
fortnight an' she says it's a well-known fact as when a married man is
once set a-goin' he lands things faster an' faster. She says she thinks
about the andirons there, ready to Lucy's hand, until she's scared
white, an' yet she's afraid to take 'em for fear it'd attract her to the
water pitcher."

"Did Mr.--" began Mrs. Lathrop, hurriedly, after several attempts to
slide a question-quoit in among Susan's game of words.

"Oh, he did n't throw 'em at her. I could n't understand what he did do
with them an' so I asked, but it seems it was just as awful for he
grated the whole cake o' that soap on her front teeth to teach her not
to never refer to the deacon again, an' he dropped the cheese square on
her head when he was up on a step-ladder an' she was in a little
cupboard underneath leanin' over for a plate, an' then he tried to make
out as it was an accident. She says it was n't no accident though. She
says a woman as gets a cheese on the back of her head from a husband as
is on a step-ladder over her, ain't to be fooled with no accident story;
she says that cheese like to of hurt her for life an' was the greatest
of the consolations she had when he died. She says she never will forget
it as long as she's alive an' he's dead, no sir, so help her heaven she
won't; she says when the cemetery committee come to her an' want her to
subscribe for keepin' him trimmed with a lawn mower an' a little flag on
Decoration Day, she always thinks of that cheese an' says no, thank
you, they can just mow him regularly right along with the rest.

"But oh, she says it's awful bitter an' cold to see Hiram settin' out
along that stony, bony, thorny road, as she's learned every pin in from
first to last. She says if Lucy 'd only be a little patient with him,
but no, to bed he must go feelin' as bright as a button, an' in the
mornin', oh my, but she says it's heartrendin' to hear him wake up, for
Lucy washes his face so sudden with cold water that he gives one howl
before he remembers he's married, an' five minutes after she hangs every
last one of the bedclothes square out of the window.

"I tell you, Mrs. Lathrop, it was a pretty sad tale first an' last, an'
Gran'ma Mullins says Hiram is as meek as a sheep being led to its
halter, but she says she can't feel as meekness pays women