ugh for you, suggest something better--or shut up!

[_Mr. L. prefers the latter alternative._

_Mr. C._ Now, then, have you given everybody a piece of paper, EMILY?
CAROLINE, you're going to play--we can't leave _you_ out of it.

_Aunt Caroline_. No, JAMES, I'd rather look on, and see you all
enjoying yourselves--I've _no_ animal spirits now!

_Mr. C._ Oh, nonsense! Christmas-time, you know. Let's be jolly while
we can--give her a pencil, EMILY!

_Aunt C._ No, I can't, really. You must excuse me. I know I'm a
wet blanket; but, when I think that I mayn't be with you another
Christmas, we may _most_ of us be dead by then, why--(_sobs_).

_Fred_ (_the Family Failure_). That's right, Mater--trust you to see a
humorous side to everything!

_Another Aunt_. For shame, FRED! If you don't know who is responsible
for your poor mother's low spirits, others do!

[_The Family Failure collapses._

_Mr. Limpett_. Well, as we've all got pencils, is there any reason why
the revelry should not commence?

_Mr. C._ No--don't let's waste any more time. Miss ZEFFIE says she
will write down on the top of her paper "Who met whom" (must be a Lady
and Gentleman in the party, you know), then she folds it down, and
passes it on to the next, who writes, "What he said to her"--the next,
"What she said to him"--next, "What the consequences were," and the
last, "What the world said." Capital game--first-rate. Now, then!

[_The whole party pass papers in silence from one to another,
and scribble industriously with knitted brows._

_Mr. C._ Time's up, all of you. I'll read the first paper aloud.
(_Glances at it, and explodes._) He-he!--this is really very funny.
(_Reads._) "Uncle JOSEPH met Aunt CAROLINE at the--ho--ho!--the
Empire! He said to her, '_What are the wild waves saying?_' and she
said to him, 'It's time you were taken away!' The consequences were
that they both went and had their hair out, and the world said they
had always suspected there was something between them!"

_Uncle J._ I consider that a piece of confounded impertinence!

[_Puffs._

_Aunt C._ It's not true. I _never_ met JOSEPH at the Empire. I
don't go to such places. I _didn't_ think I should be insulted like
this--(_Weeps._)--on Christmas too!

_Aunts' Chorus_. FRED _again_!

[_They regard Family Failure indignantly._

_Mr. C._ There, then, it was all fun--no harm meant. I'll read the
next. "Mr. LIMPETT met Miss ZEFFIE in the Burling