rceive that he began to admit my wisdom and his
stolidity. And so I told him.

"A---," said he, using my abhorred name in full, "I believe you are a
greater ass than your father was."

"Sir," said I, much displeased, "these intemperate ebullitions will
necessarily terminate our conference."

"Conference be hanged!" he rejoined. "You may as well give it up. You
are not going to get the first red cent out of me."

"Have I referred, Sir," said I, "to the inelegant coin you name?"

The creature grinned. "I shall pay your mother's income quarterly, and
do the best I can by her," he continued; "and if you want to make a
man of yourself, I'll give you a chance in the bakery with me; or Sam
Bratley will take you into his brewery; or Bob into his pork-packery."

I checked my indignation. The vulgarian wished to drag me, a Chylde,
down to the Bratley level. But I suppressed my wrath, for fear he might
find some pretext for suppressing the quarterly income, and alleged my
delicate health as a reason for my refusing his insulting offer.

"Well," said he, "I don't see as there is anything else for you to do,
except to find some woman fool enough to marry you, as Betsey did your
father. There's a hundred dollars!"

I have seldom seen dirtier bills than those he produced and handed to
me. Fortunately I was in deep mourning and my gloves were dark lead
color.

"That's right," says he,--"grab 'em and fob 'em. Now go to Newport and
try for an heiress, and don't let me see your tallow face inside of my
door for a year."

He had bought the right to be despotic and abusive. I withdrew and
departed, ruminating on his advice. Singularly, I had not before thought
of marrying. I resolved to do so at once.

Newport is the mart where the marriageable meet. I took my departure for
Newport next day.

II.

THE HEROINE.

I need hardly say, that, on arriving at Newport, one foggy August
morning, I drove at once to the Millard.

The Millard attracted me for three reasons: First, it was new; second,
it was fashionable; third, the name would be sure to be in favor with
the class I had resolved to seek my spouse among. The term _spouse_ I
select as somewhat less familiar than _wife_, somewhat more permanent
than _bride_, and somewhat less amatory than _the partner of my bosom_.
I wish my style to be elevated, accurate, and decorous. It is my object,
as the reader will have already observed, to convey heroic sentiments in
the finest