inconsiderate
interest in one thrown into purely accidental and necessarily painful
prominence--the vulgarization of an unspeakable tragedy--that my soul
abhorred. I confess that I regarded it from my own unique and selfish
point of view. What was a thrilling matter to the world was a torturing
memory to me. The quintessence of the torture was, moreover, my own
secret. It was not the loss of the Lady Jermyn that I could not bear to
speak about; it was my own loss; but the one involved the other. My
loss apart, however, it was plain enough to dwell upon experiences so
terrible and yet so recent as those which I had lived to tell. I did
what I considered my duty to the public, but I certainly did no more. My
reticence was rebuked in the papers that made the most of me, but would
fain have made more. And yet I do not think that I was anything but
docile with those who had a manifest right to question me; to the
owners, and to other interested persons, with whom I was confronted on
one pretext or another, I told my tale as fully and as freely as I have
told it here, though each telling hurt more than the last. That was
necessary and unavoidable; it was the private intrusions which I
resented with all the spleen the sea had left me in exchange for the
qualities it had taken away.

Relatives I had as few as misanthropist could desire; but from
self-congratulation on the fact, on first landing, I soon came to keen
regret. They at least would have sheltered me from spies and busybodies;
they at least would have secured the peace and privacy of one who was
no hero in fact or spirit, whose noblest deed was a piece of self
preservation which he wished undone with all his heart.

Self-consciousness no doubt multiplied my flattering assailants. I
have said that my nerves were shattered. I may have imagined much and
exaggerated the rest. Yet what truth there was in my suspicions you
shall duly see. I felt sure that I was followed in the street, and my
every movement dogged by those to whom I would not condescend to turn
and look. Meanwhile, I had not the courage to go near my club, and
the Temple was a place where I was accosted in every court, effusively
congratulated on the marvellous preservation of my stale spoilt life,
and invited right and left to spin my yarn over a quiet pipe! Well,
perhaps such invitations were not so common as they have grown in my
memory; nor must you confuse my then feelings on all these matters with
th