ea or musicale do not forget to leave a
card. The social standing of your hostess determines whether it shall
be a face card or a twospot.

Besides leaving a card, leave all the small articles of value that you
may find lying about in the dressing room.

It is not necessary to throw rice at a departing bride and groom. The
cab is already full of mush.

[Illustration]

In proposing to a girl always refer to your own unworthiness. She
won't believe it at the time nor will you a few years later.

Sweet are the uses of adversity to the gentlemen who conduct loan
offices.

When matching dollars, remember that two heads are better than one.

[Illustration]

At automobile funerals, the chauffeurs should be directed to play the
Dead March on the French tooters. The effect is very refined.

Drug store beauty isn't even skin-deep.

Don't enter into a gentleman's agreement, if you're a gentleman.

[Illustration]

Wild oats make poor breakfast-food.

It is always good form to talk about nausea when caused by
seasickness; but never otherwise.

When your face is too full for utterance speak to her only with your
eyes.

[Illustration]

Show kindness to your creditors, but not unremitting kindness.

Suspect the man who wants only a small loan; a little touch is a
dangerous thing.

Don't marry for money; but never let money stand between a girl and
her happiness.

[Illustration]

"Conservative dressers," as the tailors call them, have discarded the
night-cap except for internal use.

When in Rome do the Romans.

Don't buy for your daughter a Count that is likely to turn out a
discount.

[Illustration]

Eat, drink and be merry, for to-morrow you may be married.

It is not good form to congratulate a girl friend upon her engagement.
Simply remark, "So you landed him at last."

Pay no obvious compliments. A beautiful woman has her mirror.

[Illustration]

If you can afford the right sort of lawyer you won't need any Rules of
Conduct.

[THE END]

[Illustration]

End of Project Gutenberg's The Cynic's Rules of Conduct, by Chester Field Jr.

*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK T