on Sunday.

I gave the window-sash a couple of upper-cuts and a few short-arm
punches, but it sat there and laughed in my face.

The brakeman came through, and I spoke to him about the window. He
said, "The first time I see the president of the road I'll tell him
about it!" and left me flat.

Once more I tried to open that window, but I only succeeded in
opening my collar; so then I opened my mouth and made a short but
spicy announcement, whereupon the old lady in the seat ahead of me
got up and left the car.

Just then the train pulled into a station which I hadn't paid for,
but I went out and took it, because it contained a little fresh air.

Some day I will mention the name of this railroad company and make
them blush.

Well, after I left Bunch that afternoon, I ducked for the depot,
and reached Ruraldene just in time to witness the beginning of a
most painful episode.

The house was lighted up from cellar to attic. As soon as I opened
the door I found our respected Mayor, Uncle Peter, and he was also
lit up.

"It's a surprise, Johnny," he whispered hoarsely. "Clara J. is
giving an entertainment for the benefit of the Christian Soldiers'
League, and it's going to cost you two dollars to come into your
own house."

It made an awful hit with Uncle Peter to see me cough up those two
bones, but I said nothing and made good.

My wife called it a musicale, but to me it looked more like a fight.

With the help of Aunt Martha and Alice Grey, my wife arranged the
programme and kept it dark to surprise the rest of the family.

It was such a surprise to me that I felt like doing a glide to the
woodlands.

It was my second experience with a musicale, and this one cured me
all right.

You know I don't care much for society--especially when it breaks
into our bungalow and begins to scratch my furniture with its
high-heeled shoes. But just to please Peaches I promised to go in
the parlor and not be an insult to those present.

For awhile everybody sat around and sized up what everybody else
was wearing.

Then they gave each other the silent double-cross.

Presently my wife whispered to Miss Cleopatra Hungerschnitz,
whereupon that young lady giggled her way over to the piano and
began to knock its teeth out.

The way Cleopatra went after one of Beethoven's sonatas and slapped
its ears was pitiful.

Cleopatra learned to injure a piano at a conservatory of music, and
she could take a fugo by Victor Hug