bout the courtyard? Shall I never visit
the toy-shops, as mothers do, to buy swords, and dolls, and baby-houses?
And will it never be mine to watch the unfolding of a precious
life--another Felipe, only more dear? I would have a son, if only to
learn how a lover can be more to one in his second self.

My park and castle are cold and desolate to me. A childless woman is
a monstrosity of nature; we exist only to be mothers. Oh! my sage in
woman's livery, how well you have conned the book of life! Everywhere,
too, barrenness is a dismal thing. My life is a little too much like
one of Gessner's or Florian's sheepfolds, which Rivarol longed to see
invaded by a wolf. I too have it in me to make sacrifices! There are
forces in me, I feel, which Felipe has no use for; and if I am not to be
a mother, I must be allowed to indulge myself in some romantic sorrow.

I have just made this remark to my belated Moor, and it brought tears
to his eyes. He cannot stand any joking on his love, so I let him off
easily, and only called him a paladin of folly.

At times I am seized with a desire to go on pilgrimage, to bear my
longings to the shrine of some madonna or to a watering-place. Next
winter I shall take medical advice. I am too much enraged with myself to
write more. Good-bye.

XLIV. THE SAME TO THE SAME Paris, 1829.

A whole year passed, my dear, without a letter! What does this mean? I
am a little hurt. Do you suppose that your Louis, who comes to see me
almost every alternate day, makes up for you? It is not enough to know
that you are well and that everything prospers with you; for I love you,
Renee, and I want to know what you are feeling and thinking of, just as
I say everything to you, at the risk of being scolded, or censured, or
misunderstood. Your silence and seclusion in the country, at the time
when you might be in Paris enjoying all the Parliamentary honors of
the Comte de l'Estorade, cause me serious anxiety. You know that your
husband's "gift of gab" and unsparing zeal have won for him quite a
position here, and he will doubtless receive some very good post when
the session is over. Pray, do you spend your life writing him letters of
advice? Numa was not so far removed from his Egeria.

Why did you not take this opportunity of seeing Paris? I might have
enjoyed your company for four months. Louis told me yesterday that
you were coming to fetch him, and would have your third confinement in
Paris--you terribl