growing like a snowball. Still he
was beginning to come into notice when I happened to meet him at Mme.
d'Espard's. At first sight he inspired me, unconsciously to himself,
with the most vivid sympathy. How did it come about that this virgin
heart has been left for me? The fact is that my poet combines genius and
cleverness, passion and pride, and women are always afraid of greatness
which has no weak side to it. How many victories were needed before
Josephine could see the great Napoleon in the little Bonaparte whom she
had married.

Poor Gaston is innocent enough to think he knows the measure of my love!
He simply has not an idea of it, but to you I must make it clear;
for this letter, Renee, is something in the nature of a last will and
testament. Weigh well what I am going to say, I beg of you.

At this moment I am confident of being loved as perhaps not another
women on this earth, nor have I a shadow of doubt as to the perfect
happiness of our wedded life, to which I bring a feeling hitherto
unknown to me. Yes, for the first time in my life, I know the delight
of being swayed by passion. That which every woman seeks in love will
be mine in marriage. As poor Felipe once adored me, so do I now adore
Gaston. I have lost control of myself, I tremble before this boy as the
Arab hero used to tremble before me. In a word, the balance of love is
now on my side, and this makes me timid. I am full of the most absurd
terrors. I am afraid of being deserted, afraid of becoming old and ugly
while Gaston still retains his youth and beauty, afraid of coming short
of his hopes!

And yet I believe I have it in me, I believe I have sufficient devotion
and ability, not only to keep alive the flame of his love in our
solitary life, far from the world, but even to make it burn stronger and
brighter. If I am mistaken, if this splendid idyl of love in hiding must
come to an end--an end! what am I saying?--if I find Gaston's love less
intense any day than it was the evening before, be sure of this, Renee,
I should visit my failure only on myself; no blame should attach to him.
I tell you now it would mean my death. Not even if I had children could
I live on these terms, for I know myself, Renee, I know that my nature
is the lover's rather than the mother's. Therefore before taking this
vow upon my soul, I implore you, my Renee, if this disaster befall me,
to take the place of mother to my children; let them be my legacy to
you! All tha