_cuisine_, and accompanied by choice
vintage wines, both of the first excellence.

I felt a little nervous as we proceeded to the dining-room, but as
the Professor adroitly passed his hand over the head of each as he
descended the stairs, and pointed out to me the dazed and vacant look
that had settled on the features of all of them, I felt reassured,
especially when they fell mechanically into their places, and began to
peruse, with evident delight, the contents of the _Menu_, which ran as
follows:--

SOUP.

Toast-and-water and Candle-ends.

FISH.

Herrings' Heads and Tails.
Counter Sweepings.

ENTREMETS.

Rotten Cabbage-stalks.

ENTREE.

Odds and Ends of Shoe Leather.

ROAST.

Cat's Meat.

SWEET.

Old Jam-pot Scrapings on Musty Bread.

That they didn't all rise like one man with a howl of execration on
reading this was soon explained when the Professorial Butler set down
a soup-plate before the Epicurean Duke and with an insinuating smile,
simply announced it as _Tortue claire_. It was clear from this
that they were under the impression that they were partaking of a
first-class little dinner, and had read the _Menu_ at the will of
the Professorial Butler, as he subsequently explained to me in such
fashion that the toast-and-water soup, in which the candle-ends played
the part of green fat, appeared to them in the light of the finest
"clear turtle." "And how about the Herrings' Heads and Tails?" I
asked. "They take that for _Saumon de Gloucester, sauce Pierre Le
Grand_," was the bland reply, a fact which at that moment the Gourmand
endorsed, by smacking his lips and with an ejaculation of "Sublime
salmon that! I'll take a little more," holding out his plate for a
second helping. The Cabbage-stalks figured in their imagination as
"_Asperges d'Italie, en branches glacees a la Tour d'Amsterdam_," while
the pennyworth of plain cat's meat, passed more than muster as
"_Filet de B[oe]uf en Diplomat, braisee a la Prince de Pekin_." The
Shoe-leather and Jam-pot Scrapings brought the Menu to a triumphant
close, with "_Ris de Veau pralinee au boucles Menschikoff_," and
"_Bombardes Imperials de Peru_" respectively.

I confess, when I heard one of the Diners-out asking for Champagne,
and saw his glass filled with Harvey's Sauce and water, with the
announcement that it was _Dry Monopole Cuvee Reservee_, I felt some
momentary misgivings, but they were speedily put to flight on my
no