istress, subject to no
_control_ whatever--so far from it, that my sisters who are many
years older than myself, and even my dear mother, used to consult me
in every case of importance, and scarcely ever doubted the propriety
of my opinions and actions. Perhaps you will be ready to accuse me
of vanity in mentioning this, but you must consider that I do not
_boast_ of it, I have many times felt it a disadvantage; and
although, I thank God, it never led me into error, yet in
circumstances of perplexity and doubt, I have deeply felt the want of
a guide and instructor.] {39}

'At such times I have seen and felt the necessity of supernatural
aid, and by fervent applications to a throne of grace I have
experienced that my heavenly Father is able and willing to supply the
place of every earthly friend. I shall now no longer feel this want,
this sense of helpless weakness, for I believe a kind Providence has
intended that I shall find in you every earthly friend united; nor do
I fear to trust myself under your protection, or shrink from your
control. It is pleasant to be subject to those we love, especially
when they never exert their authority but for the good of the
subject. How few would write in this way! But I do not fear that
_you_ will make a bad use of it. You tell me to write my thoughts,
and thus as they occur I freely let my pen run away with them.

'_Sat. morn_.--I do not know whether you dare show your face here
again or not after the blunder you have committed. When we got to
the house on Thursday evening, even before we were within the doors,
we found that Mr. and Mrs. Bedford had been there, and that they had
requested you to mention their intention of coming--a single hint of
which you never gave! Poor I too came in for a share in the hard
words which were bestowed upon you, for they all agreed that I was
the cause of it. Mr. Fennell said you were certainly _mazed_, and
talked of sending you to York, etc. And even I begin to think that
_this_, together with the _note_, bears some marks of _insanity_!
However, I shall suspend my judgment until I hear what excuse you can
make for yourself, I suppose you will be quite ready to make one of
some kind or another.

'Yesterday I performed a difficult and yet a pleasing task in writing
to my sisters. I thought I nev