the world about me
except to contrive how the greatest possible quantity of labour may
be squeezed out of me, and to that end she overwhelms me with oceans
of needlework, yards of cambric to hem, muslin night-caps to make,
and, above all things, dolls to dress. I do not think she likes me
at all, because I can't help being shy in such an entirely novel
scene, surrounded as I have hitherto been by strange and constantly
changing faces. I see now more clearly than I have ever done before
that a private governess has no existence, is not considered as a
living and rational being except as connected with the wearisome
duties she has to fulfil. While she is teaching the children,
working for them, amusing them, it is all right. If she steals a
moment for herself she is a nuisance. Nevertheless, Mrs. Sidgwick is
universally considered an amiable woman. Her manners are fussily
affable. She talks a great deal, but as it seems to me not much to
the purpose. Perhaps I may like her better after a while. At
present I have no call to her. Mr. Sidgwick is in my opinion a
hundred times better--less profession, less bustling condescension,
but a far kinder heart. It is very seldom that he speaks to me, but
when he does I always feel happier and more settled for some minutes
after. He never asks me to wipe the children's smutty noses or tie
their shoes or fetch their pinafores or set them a chair. One of the
pleasantest afternoons I have spent here--indeed, the only one at all
pleasant--was when Mr. Sidgwick walked out with his children, and I
had orders to follow a little behind. As he strolled on through his
fields with his magnificent Newfoundland dog at his side, he looked
very like what a frank, wealthy, Conservative gentleman ought to be.
He spoke freely and unaffectedly to the people he met, and though he
indulged his children and allowed them to tease himself far too much,
he would not suffer them grossly to insult others.

'I am getting quite to have a regard for the Carter family. At home
I should not care for them, but here they are friends. Mr. Carter
was at Mirfield yesterday and saw Anne. He says she was looking
uncommonly well. Poor girl, _she_ must indeed wish to be at home.
As to Mrs. Collins' report that Mrs. Sidgwick intended to keep me
permanently, I do not thin