her
exit),_ "EXCUSE ME WOULD YOU MIND TREADING--ACCIDENTAL-LIKE--ON THAT
MAN'S TOES? HE USED TO BE MY SERGEANT-MAJOR."]

* * * * *

THE TENDER-HEARTED BAILIE.

"Accused broke down in the dock, and while weeping bitterly the
Bailie fined both girls L1 or ten days."--_Edinburgh Evening
News_.

* * * * *

"Lord Burray of Elibank and the Hon. Gideon Murray, M.P., have
recently had influenza and bronchitis."--_Scotch Paper_.

From internal evidence we gather that his lordship has not yet
completely recovered.

* * * * *

SO SOON FORGOT.

[A cinema has been showing a picture of M. PADEREWSKI, bearing
the legend, "The new President of Poland: once a world-famed
violinist."]

The President of POLAND
Was born to place and power;
Yet, ere he found his mission
In filling this position,
He was a great musician--
Men say so to this hour.
But, dash it! while the whole land
Admits his old repute,
It wonders, "Did this fellow,
At whom Queen's Hall would bellow,
Perform upon the 'cello,
Or did he play the flute?"

The day AUGUSTUS JOHN is
Created Duke of Wales,
His countrymen will never
Stop boasting of how clever
He is at Art, whatever
(Though Burlington still rails).
But one small detail gone is
From their forgetful nuts;
Their recollection's shady--
Did JOHN'S artistic heyday
Mean costumes for _The Lady_
Or things for _Comic Cuts?_

When HALL CAINE rules a nation
As Superman of Man,
His subjects will assure us
In daily dance and chorus:
"Ere HALL presided o'er us,
Men read him as they ran.
For once his circulation
Spread over Seven Seas."
Yet memory by chance errs
In these ecstatic dancers--
Oh, did he edit _Answers_,
Or write "Callisthenes"?

* * * * *

OUR HELPFUL CONTEMPORARIES.

"But the most pressing of all the questions with which the Peace
Congress has to deal is the settlement of terms of peace with
Germany."--_Nottingham Guardian_.

* * * * *

"LIFE'S LITTLE MARVELS.

"A family of eight was stated to be living on L3 a week in the
Bow County Court, and counsel said it was a marvel how they did
it."--_Bradford Daily Argus_.

It is supposed that they take it in turns to sleep o