opium
with open arms; to make the good Queen Victoria a present of the port
of Hong Kong; and so on and on. Thus, under the persuasion of a
fraternal war, "trade, civilization, and Christianity" made themselves
safe in the high places of China; since which happiness has bourgeoned
there if not in England!

Could our youthful but pious nation do better than follow this
illustrious example? Certainly not. Something must be done. If China
could thus be persuaded to trade by the English, poor little Japan
might be persuaded to trade by the United States. We could but try. We
did, and Perry sailed away, with his ships and his cannons, to try. The
Japs were benighted, foolish, and weak. They declined, and said, "No,
we don't want any of your trade. We make _all we want_, and don't care
either for your religion, your opium, your whiskey, or your stovepipe
hats."

"But," said the gallant Perry, "that is a wicked sentiment. The
brotherhood of nations is the cornerstone of modern civilization. Trade
is divine, and stovepipe hats mark the intellectual races. We are your
brothers. God has made of one blood all the nations of the earth. If
you will not be our brothers, and trade, we shall be obliged to shoot.
Don't want to, but must. One--two--three. Bang!"

Well, the Japs also yielded to these arguments, and thenceforth have
been happy. Trade has prevailed. Rice has gone up, and a good many
Japs have gone to the ethereal spaces, overcome with hunger. Railways
have been built, national debts have been created; the Mikado and
Tycoon have fought, the Daimios have quarrelled, white men have been
assassinated, beggary has begun, taxes press upon the people; and
indeed all the signs which mark the high civilization of trade have
appeared. "Progress," we are assured, is now certain, and Japan is
"developing her resources." Bliss ensues. All of which is written down
and printed in many volumes for all men to read. And "Perry's
Expedition" can be read in beautiful volumes which cost you, we'll say,
$50 for the books and a million for the glorious expedition.

We make any sacrifices for the new religion, and are willing to waste
the filthy lucre of gold to extend a divine idea.

We did it!

We opened their ports!

We extended the blessing of trade!

We have made the Japs into Yankees!

They are learning the benefits of cheap and nasty!

Glory be to the new god!

Massachusetts! Massachusetts has held herself and has been held