operation had dispensed with coins altogether
issuing instead rubber baby tears that substituted for money. They
could be strung around the neck like shark's teeth. Swamp water in
little jars added a further touch to this risque scene.

But, of course, for the really discriminating the boar's head feast was
the sign of a truly adventuresome palate. A Black Forest effect could
be conjured up complete with moveable props. A pig's head stuffed with
not the familiar apple but instead each tusk hollowed bulging with
pizza. Another version saw rhinocerous shaped pizzas rolled in the
style of Yap Island discs, that land being noted for its odd wheel like
currency. A boar's head contoured in the recognizable shape but with
tusks only made of pizza was a favourite alternative. After all,
gourmands bought escargots in order to fill their shells then, after
washing, repeated the process on future occasions. And, most certainly,
no one could deny that Simon's ideas were anymore outlandish than the
epicurean Romish feasts of peacock tongues and assorted other naughty
delicacies. His was but an updated version appealing to the mobile
North American lifestyle. Frisbees even began to resemble pizza and
trampolines approached that air. It was all the rage to be Italian and
boast of one's prowess in demolishing mounds of pizza.

Yet trouble was afoot for Simon and his proteges. The very real
puritanical element in society saw Simon's chain of exotic pizza
emporiums in the same league as exotic dancers and sought to banish
them, seeing that gluttony was akin to lust. Therefore, pizza pie body
parlour rubs began to vanish.

Moreover, peevishly spiteful children insisted on spreading rumours
that Simon's operations used day-glow worms as substitutes for
pepperoni and unwashed algae as a base for pasta crusts. People began
to question the wisdom of letting children act out their fantasies with
food as that commodity was a very emotional subject and a testing
ground for good parenting. Psychologists soon began to join the
harangue and claim the pizza emperor was a poorly toilet trained
debauchee acting out repressed impulses in the form of a greedy diner.
Some, in fact, claimed he was in the anal stage of his development and
that his taste was all in his mouth. Food faddists and health nuts
wondered aloud about the wisdom of combining so much dough with gelatin
plant fibre. It seemed most everyone was rushing to deflate the pizza
bubble an