at feller could roll out more juicy
notions on the subject o' drink in five minutes than a high-pressure
locomotive could blow off steam through a five-inch leak in ha'f a
year. He wus an eddication in langwidge, sir, sech as 'ud per-suade a
wall-eyed mule to do what he didn't want, and wa'n't goin' to do
anyways.

"I corralled the boys up in the yard, an' the feller got good an'
goin'. He spotted Joe right off; fixed him wi' his eye an' focussed
him dead centre, an' talked right at him. An' Joe wus iled--that iled
he couldn't keep a straight trail fer slippin'. Say, speakin'
metaphoric, that feller got the drop on pore Joe. He give him a dose
o' syllables in the pit o' the stummick that made him curl, then he
follered it right up wi' a couple o' slugs o' his choicest, 'fore he
could straighten up. Then he sort o' picked him up an' shook him with
a power o' langwidge, an' sot him down like a spanked kid. Then he
clouted him over both lugs with a shower o' words wi' capitals,
clumped him over the head wi' a bunch o' texts, an' thrashed him wi' a
fact'ry o' trac' papers. Say, I guess pore Joe wouldn't 'a' rec'nized
the flavor o' whisky from blue pizen when that feller had done; an' we
jest looked on, feelin' 'bout as happy as a lot o' old hens worritin'
to hatch out a batch o' Easter eggs. Say, pore Joe wus weepin' over
his sins, an' I guess we wus all 'most ready to cry. Then the feller
up an' sez, 'Fetch out the pernicious sperrit, the nectar o' the
devil, the waters o' the Styx, the vile filth as robs homes o' their
support, an' drives whole races to perdition!' an' a lot o' other big
talk. An', say, we fetched! Yes, sir, we fetched like a lot o' silly,
skippin' lambs. We brought out six bottles o' the worstest rotgut
ever faked in a settlement saloon, an' handed it over. After that I
guess we wus feelin' better. Sez we, feelin' kind o' mumsy over the
whole racket, it ain't right, we sez, to harbor no sperrit-soaked,
liver-pickled tag of a decent citizen's life around this layout; an'
so we took Joe Nelson to the river and diluted him. After that I 'lows
we lay low. I did hear as some o' the boys said their prayers that
night, which goes to show as they wus feelin' kind o' thin an' mean.
Ther' wa'n't a feller ther' but wus dead swore off fer a week.

"Guess it wus most the middle o' the night when Jim Yard comes to my
shack an' fetched me out. He told me there wus a racket goin' on in
the settlement. That temperator