ghost. And
when I asked the engineer who gave him orders, he said he'd just like to
see any man on this planet try to give him orders, black-and-white or
verbal; he said he'd run that train to suit himself or he'd run it into
the ditch. Now, you see, I'm not much of a theologian, but I'm a good
deal of a railroad man, and I don't want to run on a road that has no
schedule, makes no time, has no connections, starts anywhere and runs
nowhere, and has neither signal man, train dispatcher or superintendent.
Might be all right, but I've railroaded too long to understand it."

"Did you try the Methodist?"

"Now you're shoutin'!" he cried with enthusiasm; "that's the hummer!
Fast time and crowds of passengers! Engines carry a power of steam, and
don't you forget it. Steam-gauge shows a hundred and enough all the
time. Lively train crews, too. When the conductor shouts 'All
a-b-o-a-r-d!' you can hear him to the next hallelujah station. Every
train lamp shines like a head-light. Stop-over privileges on all
tickets; passenger can drop off the train any time he pleases, do the
station a couple of days and hop on to the next revival train that comes
thundering along with an evangelist at the throttle. Good, whole-souled,
companionable conductors; ain't a road on earth that makes the
passengers feel more at home. No passes issued on any account;
everybody pays full traffic rate for his own ticket. Safe road, too;
well equipped; Wesleyanhouse air brakes on every train. It's a road I'm
fond of, but I didn't begin this week's run with it."

I began to feel that I was running ashore; I tried one more lead:

"May be you went with the Baptists?"

"Ah, ha!" he shouted, "now you're on the Shore line! River Road, eh?
Beautiful curves, lines of grace at every bend and sweep of the river;
all steel rail and rock ballast; single track, and not a siding from the
round-house to the terminus. Takes a heap of water to run it, though;
double tanks at every station, and there isn't an engine in the shops
that can run a mile or pull a pound with less than two gauges. Runs
through a lovely country--river on one side and the hills on the other;
and it's a steady climb, up grade all the way until the run ends where
the river begins, at the fountain head. Yes, sir, I'll take the River
Road every time for a safe trip, sure connections, good time, and no
dust blowing in when you open a window. And yesterday morning, when the
conductor came around taki