purity of Lord Nelson's friendship for Emma and himself
and that he knows how uncomfortable it would make his Lordship, our
best friend, if a separation should take place; therefore he was
determined to do all in his power to prevent such an extremity, which
would be essentially detrimental to all parties, but would be more
sensibly felt by "_our dear friend than by us_."[3] He is willing to
go on provided the expenses do not go on increasing, but as he cannot
expect to live many years, every moment is precious to him, and hopes
that he may be allowed to be his own master _and pass his time in his
own way_.[4] He continues: "I am fully determined not to have any more
silly altercations that too often arise between us, and embitter his
present moments exceedingly. If we cannot live comfortably together,"
he continues, "a wise and well-concerted separation would be
preferable." He says he knows and admires her talents and many
excellent qualities, but _he is not blind to her defects_,[5] and
confesses to having many himself, and pleads "for God's sake to bear
and forbear."

Throughout this pathetic document we find evidences that his heart was
torn with the consciousness of the mean advantage being taken of his
friendship. There is a droll, vacillating belief in the virtue of his
wife and the purity of Nelson's motives, but every sentence indicates
that his instinct led him to believe that another had taken his place.
It may have been that he saw it dimly, and that he shrank from making
any direct accusation, not wishing to break with the man with whom he
had long been on close terms of friendship. It is highly improbable
that either his own or Emma's past histories escaped his memory when
he was penning his grievances. Indeed, there are evidences gleaming
through his memorandum that his reflections were harassed by the
remembrance of his own conduct, which had plunged to epic depths of
wrongdoing in other days. These and other considerations would
doubtless have a restraining effect on the action that might have been
taken under different circumstances. Sir William Hamilton must have
pondered over the parentage of Horatia, who was born on the 29th
January, 1801. Is it possible that he knew that Nelson was her father,
and believed in the purity of his friendship for Emma and himself? I
think everything goes to prove that he knew of his friend's relations
with his wife and condoned it. Nelson, in his clumsy, transparent w