a Bottle of ----. This
is simple in price but gives lasting odours."

_Advt. in "United India and Native States."_

* * * * *

"Again I was welcomed by my cheery hostess, and once more
partook of her simple yet palatable face."--_Buenos Aires
Standard._

The next time he kisses her he must try not to tell us about it.

* * * * *

CRESCENDO; OR, THE TUNE THE OLD COW'S LIKELY TO DIE OF.

[Illustration: The Cow. "STOP! STOP! THIS ISN'T MILKING; IT'S MURDER!"]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

(Extracted from the diary of Toby, M.P.)

[Illustration: _Lloyd Charon (to Plutocratic Shades)._ "Your fares will
cost you more!"]

_House of Commons, Monday, May 4._--Not since epoch-making night four
years ago has House been so densely crowded in anticipation of Budget
statement. Amongst most honourable traditions of English public life is
absolute secrecy in which Budgets are wrapped till veil is lifted by
Chancellor of Exchequer. Somehow it gets known in advance when a
particular one will prove to be of exceptional public and personal
interest. Thus it was to-night. Hence the crowd that filled every bench
on floor, every nook and cranny of the galleries.

Expectation fully realised. Lloyd George, Atlas in miniature, lightly
bore on his shoulders weight of biggest Budget ever presented to House
of Commons. Total expenditure L210,203,000. Total revenue L210,455,000.
Balance in hand, L252,000.

How _Mr. Micawber's_ heart would have glowed over this realisation in
colossal figures of his cherished principle! You remember his formula to
young _Copperfield_: "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure
nineteen six; result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual
expenditure twenty pounds ought and six; result misery."

Lloyd George, keeping this axiom steadily in view, after dallying with
income and expenditure counted by the hundred million, came out
triumphant with L252,000 in his pocket.

Spoke for two hours and forty minutes. Avoiding flights of eloquence
that were wont to entrance Gladstone's audience on Budget nights,
resisting temptation to epigram that beset Mr. Chancellor Lowe, was
content with plain business statement. The massive figures dealt with,
the millions lightly scattered there and sedulously picked up here, left
some passages obscure. Son Austen well advised in reserving c