. vi. 16.

VI. METUIT.

_The physician is afraid._

VI. MEDITATION.

I observe the physician with the same diligence as he the disease; I see
he fears, and I fear with him; I overtake him, I overrun him, in his
fear, and I go the faster, because he makes his pace slow; I fear the
more, because he disguises his fear, and I see it with the more
sharpness, because he would not have me see it. He knows that his fear
shall not disorder the practice and exercise of his art, but he knows
that my fear may disorder the effect and working of his practice. As the
ill affections of the spleen complicate and mingle themselves with every
infirmity of the body, so doth fear insinuate itself in every action or
passion of the mind; and as wind in the body will counterfeit any
disease, and seem the stone, and seem the gout, so fear will counterfeit
any disease of the mind. It shall seem love, a love of having; and it is
but a fear, a jealous and suspicious fear of losing. It shall seem
valour in despising and undervaluing danger; and it is but fear in an
overvaluing of opinion and estimation, and a fear of losing that. A man
that is not afraid of a lion is afraid of a cat; not afraid of starving,
and yet is afraid of some joint of meat at the table presented to feed
him; not afraid of the sound of drums and trumpets and shot and those
which they seek to drown, the last cries of men, and is afraid of some
particular harmonious instrument; so much afraid as that with any of
these the enemy might drive this man, otherwise valiant enough, out of
the field. I know not what fear is, nor I know not what it is that I
fear now; I fear not the hastening of my death, and yet I do fear the
increase of the disease; I should belie nature if I should deny that I
feared this; and if I should say that I feared death, I should belie
God. My weakness is from nature, who hath but her measure; my strength
is from God, who possesses and distributes infinitely. As then every
cold air is not a damp, every shivering is not a stupefaction; so every
fear is not a fearfulness, every declination is not a running away,
every debating is not a resolving, every wish that it were not thus, is
not a murmuring nor a dejection, though it be thus; but as my
physician's fear puts not him from his practice, neither doth mine put
me from receiving from God, and man, and myself, spiritual and civil and
moral assistances and consolations.

VI. EXPOSTULATION.

M